I'll give you all I have and nothing less
by mrandmrsspecter
Summary: Donna and Harvey made a life changing decision right after their twins were born. Fate has other plans and tries to bring them back together ever since. So what happens when the inevitable takes place and their separated daughters meet one day? Darvey x The Parent Trap.
1. god keeps bringing me back to you

A/N: Hey guys, this story has been on my mind non-stop for the past months but I didn't had the time to write it (and I also didn't have any intention to do so) but once I had an idea in my head I couldn't stop myself from starting this story. It's kind of a Darvey x The Parent Trap crossover with a slightly different background story. There are gonna be some flashbacks but it plays in the present most of the time.

There are already two amazing other stories posted that are very similar to this one. "parent pursuit" by darveys and "Sometimes Miracles Come In Paris" by Zoe Clara. I can only recommend you to read those as well, they are incredible.

I hope you like it and I always appreciate reviews.

-Angelina aka. mrandmrsspecter on twitter

**CHAPTER 1 - god keeps bringing me back to you**

It wasn't the first _almost meeting_ fate had planned for them over the years

but it was the first one they actually noticed.

**John F. Kennedy Airport – New York City, NY **

„You have got to be kidding me." the freckled redhead shouts and shots a killer look to the woman standing on the opposite side of the counter. She hits the surface with one of her hands and closes her eyes for a second. Donna Paulsen doesn't freak out. The successful COO of one of Los Angeles's best law firms just got back from a trip to visit her parents in Cortland. After a relaxing week full of family time and amazing food this is how she learns about her connecting flight being canceled. Her layover in New York City was supposed to be only an hour long. This is just perfect.

„I'm sorry Miss Paulsen but the next plane to Los Angeles is scheduled for 8pm" Donna leans her forehead in her hands and props herself up on the counter. „Mom, it's alright. There are only 4 hours left and I still have a week in spare till my summer camp starts. We'll be back home only a few hours later than planned." Her daughter says trying to calm her mom down with a reassuring hand on the shoulder. Donna is probably panicking because of the oncoming summer camp she is going to participate in. It's still one week away and neither of them should freak out because of a 4 hour schedule change. Always the rational and positive person, Isabella Paulsen encourages her mom to slow down and accept the offer from their airline employee. 4 hours at JFK can't be that bad, can they?

„Okay. You're right honey." Donna grins at the 15 year old and pulls their old boarding passes and passports out of her Hermès hand bag. She is so proud she raised her daughter to be such a smart and caring woman. „I'm sorry, please book us on that flight." she says while handing her their documents and smiling sincerely. „We're apologizing again for the cancellation of your connecting flight. Your new flight is going to be AA 300, departs at 8:15pm and boarding is at 7:30 at Gate B27. Of your luggage is taken care of." the blonde speaks and wishes them a good layover.

Donna is dressed in black jeans, cream coloured turtleneck and brown coat, along with matching hand bag and a small suit case. Auburn locks cascade down her back and her feet are all good to go in black boots. Mom and daughter walk a few steps into the direction of the timetable where their new flight is shown. The redhead turns to her mini-me and speaks „Okay Bella, let's not let this ruin the end of our trip. I'm sorry for making a scene back there. What do you say we go to Starbucks first and get us something to drink?" she smiles and adjusts the strawberry blonde hair on the girl's shoulder.

„Sounds like a plan." Bella smiles and starts directing through the crowded departure hall.

**John F. Kennedy Airport – New York City, NY**

Clad in a black Tom Ford coat and grey jeans the handsome hot shot carries his overnight bag through JFK airport. Next to him a pretty 15 year old girl with gorgeous red waves and a white hoodie. The second she smiles all you can see are her dad's genes. Two pairs of chocolate brown eyes make their way through all the passengers surrounding them. Harvey has to represent a client in Miami and asked his daughter if she would like to enjoy the warm weather in Florida for a few days after he is done in court. He loves going on vacation with her and it's really important for him to show her as many things as the world can provide. At least 4 times a year he takes a week off to spend it with his family _part of his family _and they visit either his mom in Boston or go on a fancy city trip somewhere. Family had always been what Harvey values most in life and after losing one piece of it, he at least tries to give his remaining daughter the best life possible.

„Dad, where are you going?" the girl said confused and stops walking abruptly. „The sign for B28 says it's right over there." her dad explains and justifies the continuation of his walk. „No, we already passed our gate, it's B26, look." she remarks and points in the direction of the sign above them that clearly reads _B26_. „Ohh, you're right kiddo. I'm lucky you came along otherwise I would probably board a plane to god knows where now." Harvey says and turns around to follow her into the opposite direction.

„No, your boarding pass isn't valid for every flight and someone would've shown where your plane is actually leaving. So no worries." his daughter explains while not even making an effort to look at him. _always her mother._

„How could I forget... you know everything, right?" he smiles. You really can't deny the young girl's confidence. It's no surprise if one of your parents lives by the lines of „I don't have dreams, I have goals" and the other one by „My brain is already too busy being awesome."

„I'm Caitlyn, I do know everything." and of course that sentence. Harvey gets to hear it at least 3 times a day. And he loves it but it always comes with an unbearable pain. If only Caitlyn knows he has been hearing that sentence for more than 20 years now. Still lost in thoughts Harvey says „Yeah, just like-„ a glimpse of red hair in the crowd catches his attention. _15 years later and you're still seeing her everywhere you go. You got some serious shit to work through, man._

„Just like who?" Caitlyn asks and pulls her dad out of the daydream. „Doesn't matter darling, our boarding isn't scheduled for 20 more minutes, what do you say we grab a Starbucks?"

_**Why, oh why, does god keep bringing me back to you?**_

**Starbucks Terminal 1 - JFK Airport **

„I'm gonna look for a free table and you can order, alright? You know what to get me." Donna smiles at Bella and makes her way through the table area.

„Hey, can I get a Venti Triple Vanilla Macchiato with low-fat milk and whipped cream, please?" the young girl says as soon as it was her turn to order. She doesn't know where that obsession for coffee with vanilla comes from but it's her mom's all-time favourite order since she can remember.

„Sure, anything else?" the barista asks. Her mom might have a favourite drink but she sure as hell has one as well. „And a Grande Strawberry Açaí Refresher with coconut milk." Gosh, she loves that drink since she's a toddler. Donna used to order a small one for her every time she got a coffee in the morning so her daughter has something to enjoy just like she loves her coffee. They would stroll down Santa Monica Pier for a little while until they start their busy schedules with Donna's meetings and Bella's day in the kindergarten.

„Alright. Your name?" the young man responds politely. „Can you write Donna on the coffee and Bella on the Pink Drink?" the barista nods and writes the two names down on the cup. She smiles and looks through her purse for the money. „That'll be 8,48$." The 15 year old hands him a 10 dollar bill and goes straight to the end of the counter after receiving her change.

„Next one." the barista calls.

A pretty young redhead steps in front of him and orders without a second thought. „Hey, I would like a Venti triple shot vanilla latte and a Grande Strawberry Açaí Refresher with coconut milk." she says. The barista starts eyeing her from head to toe so she averts her eyes and pretends she is buys looking at her phone. „Didn't you just order these exact drinks a minute ago." the man asks her seconds later. Caitlyn looks up and sees his furrowed brows. She took that as a joke and starts laughing but he is dead serious.

„Ohh, uhm, no I just got here." she says.

The employee blinks a few times and shakes his head. „Oh wow, okay. Your name?" he asks. He didn't want to make the girl feel insecure but he swears someone so similar to her just ordered these exact drinks.

„The coffee is for Harvey and the Pink Drink for Caitlyn." she answers and prepares Apple Pay for her paying method.

„Bella." another barista shouts and places the two drinks down. „Caitlyn." echoes through the coffee shop a second later. Both girls reach out for their order at the same time, not bothering to look if they could've grabbed the wrong drinks. It's the same order anyway. _But names give so much away... _

Bella spots her mom on the far end of the big area where chairs and tables form the little seating area belonging to Starbucks. She places her mother's cup down in front of her and looks how she savors the first sip.

„Thanks baby, I really needed a coffee after all the stress with our connecting flight." she smiles at her daughter and thanks her through the adoration in her eyes. She watches Bella taking a sip of her drink and the straw is still between her teeth when Donna almost spills the beverage. Where it should say either her or her daughter's name on the cup the black font reads something completely different. Bella looks at her in shock and is about to ask her mom what she was thinking when- „Honey, wait a second." her mom takes the cup from her and turns in around. „Why does it say Caitlyn on your cup." she knits her brows and feels a shiver running down her back. _This name will never stop giving her goosebumps._

„Ohh that must be the name of the girl waiting next to me at the counter." Bella explains like it's nothing, shrugging her shoulders and takes her drink back to take another sip.

She looks at the baby pink strawberry coconut mix again and says „But the order is right. That's funny, she ordered the same thing like we did."

That name. And her coffee. In an alternate universe it could only mean one thing. But that's not possible. Fate must really have something against her if that would be the case so all she brings herself to say is „Ohh..."

On the opposite side of the wall dad and daughter are sitting on the leather chairs in front of the big glass panels. „The coffee is delicious, I knew we were always going to Starbucks for a reason. But why exactly did you tell them to put whipped cream on mine today. Do you think I should gain weight?" Harvey humors as he observes his beverage.

„What? I didn't order it with whipped cream." Caitlyn asks confused and takes a look in her dad's coffee. A few seconds later she comes to an easy conclusion which is really not big of a deal. „Ohh I think we accidentally switched orders with another girl at the counter. Look your cup says _Donna_ and mine says-„ it might be a millisecond later. That name makes wheels in his head turn he didn't even know were there in the first place. So he interrupts Caitlyn before she can continue with the name on her cup „Isabella." he breathes. „No, just _Bella_." the girl corrects stunned and raises an eyebrow. „Whoever it is has a great taste because they ordered something so similar." Caitlyn was lost in thought and fascinated by the accident that she doesn't notice Harvey looking at everyone surrounding them like there is a murderer out there and breathing heavily. Just then she looks at her phone and jumps when she sees the time. She was just about to tell her dad that they're running late and that their boarding closes in 5 minutes when the announcement echoed through the airport.

„_Final boarding call for flight DL 2756 to Miami. We ask passengers Harvey and Caitlyn Specter to come to gate B26 immediately." _

Donna's phone hits the ground as soon as she hears the announcement. 15 years later his and especially her name still feels like sticking a knife in her heart. But this can't be... of course it's not them... maybe Caitlyn's name isn't as unique as they thought. _Oh come on, they said their last name. Stop pretending it's not them._ She looks to the right, then to the left, searching for the B26 sign but it's around the corner. She's on the verge of shedding tears, she feels it- „Mom, are you okay? You just smashed your phone screen." Bella says and holds the shattered glass in front of her face.

Just then the name on the cup in front of her catches her eye. The fact that it says Caitlyn where it should say Bella on the Pink Drink is one thing but her cup saying Harvey where it should say Donna made her feel nauseous. She hasn't dealt with that name in 15 years and she definitely didn't expect it to cross her way when she was a prisoner at an airport being located in her former hometown.

Before she can stop herself from overthinking she comes to a conclusion that makes the blood in her veins run.

There was only a wall separating the family. For the past hour.

**On American Airlines Flight 300 to LAX International Airport **

6 hours and 1500 miles later the redhead still can't wrap her head around what had happen at the airport. She wants to deny it, she really wants to and the Starbucks cups with the wrong names prove _shit_ but truth be told it can't be a coincidence that their names _both of their names_ plus last name echoed through the space between them minutes later.

Making a decision like that all those years ago was risky. And if she ever has to face him again then it's fine. But she wants to avoid it for her daughter's sake. She always taught Bella that she has a dad and that he loves her more than anything. Them being a family just didn't work out because the timing wasn't right. Harvey is for sure the most loving father out there, no doubt about that. And she was the one handling things horrible back then. But how do you explain to your daughter that she is not an only child but an identical twin? You lied to her 15 years of her life, she will probably never forgive you for that. But she is not the only one suffering. She doesn't get to see one of her daughter growing up. That's something she has to live with for the rest of her life and it hurts every single second. The worst day is probably December 30th. It's her daughters' birthday she only gets to celebrate with one of them.

Donna stares out of the window seeing nothing but darkness. Somewhere over Kansas she has to fight the tears threatening to escape down her cheeks. She turns her head to watch the sleeping form of her daughter laying peacefully in the seat next to her. She hovers over her and presses a kiss to her head.

It's the second something in her head snaps and she remembers the flight announcement. Preoccupied by hearing their names she totally forgot about their destination.

Miami...

What could they possibly do in Miami?

**Four Seasons Hotel – Miami, Florida **

They arrived at their hotel an hour ago. The building has a stunning architecture, is very modern and their room on the 32nd floor offers a spectacular view on downtown Miami. Caitlyn was overwhelmed and so happy to be here with her dad. They agreed on her spending the day shopping tomorrow while her dad is in court. She is very responsible and does many things on her own because Harvey brings her up to be an independent woman who won't need to depend on others when she is an adult.

Harvey stands in front of the ceiling high window front sipping a glass of scotch. He already spent 3 hours on the plane thinking about the coffee incident earlier that day in New York. How high are the chances that a woman orders his exact coffee plus whipped cream which is definitely and indicator for _her_ and randomly adds a drink for a girl called Bella.

He turns around to watch the beautiful features of his daughter's face being fast asleep in the large bed. She might have stood next to her sister today. And she doesn't even know. Harvey is her dad and he has to make sure she is the happiest she can be. Lying to her is so unfair and he knows it. He misses Isabella every single day. But they made this pact, Donna and him decided this together and he trusts her unconditionally that she is giving his other daughter the best life possible. He knows where they live, which school Bella attends, what her best friend's names are, what she got for her last birthday and gets a picture of her certificate at the end of every school year. And so does Donna when it comes to Caitlyn. But it's not the same as being the family the girls deserve to have.

Missing them comes and goes in waves and today he is drowning.


	2. not even sometimes

A/N: Hey guys, I tried to update this story as soon as possible and here it is: Chapter 2.

Thank you so much for all your reviews and for supporting this story not only here but also on Twitter!

Just so you know, I'm not a huge fan of flashbacks but all the following chapters are going to contain short ones just for better understanding and background knowledge. The one in this chapter is really cute and I love how it turned out to be actually something I like.

-Angelina aka. mrandmrsspecter on Twitter

**CHAPTER 2 - not even sometimes**

**Four Seasons Hotel – Miami, Florida **

„Cat, it's time to wake up." Harvey says motivated and draws back the curtains. Miami's sunrays make their way right through the window into Caitlyn's face who immediately turns around groaning. _Teenagers._ „Daaaad, I thought you said I can sleep in and you'll be off to court at 9 anyway." she whines and pulls a pillow over her head.

„Yeah honey, I did in fact say that but I don't want to leave without you knowing, alright? I asked the reception to send you breakfast on the room at 8:30." he says and sits down on the side of the bed tickling his daughter until she fights him back. They both fall into an easy laughter and he always enjoy these little moments so much. It's his motivation to push through, wake up every day and be the best he is capable of. „Have a great day, princess. My card is on the table in case you're planning a bigger shopping trip. Eat something fancy for lunch, I'll be done with work around 4 and then I'm going to meet you there. I love you." he adds and leans down to place a kiss in the redheads hair. „Thanks dad, I love you too." she murmurs, still in her pillows but awake now. She takes her phone from the nightstand and checks her recent messages. „Don't talk to strangers who happen to be male and around your age." Harvey tells her seriously while putting on his suit jacket and grabbing his needed files from the office table. „Ughhh, I won't, I promise." Caitlyn responds rolling her eyes and turning around to face the window. „Bye" her dad calls before finally heading out of the hotel room.

**West Hollywood - Los Angeles, California **

The teenager tiptoes through the living room till she reaches the breakfast counter, stealing a few berries from a bowl and going to the fridge to fix herself a glass of juice. She daydreams about a delicious Nutella toast when her mom's voice halls through the luxurious multi-level apartment. They chit chat about how exhausted they were after the flight yesterday and what they want to do today. After agreeing on having lunch somewhere nice before her mom has to head to the office to get a few things done in the afternoon. Donna carries a basket across the living room and fishes some clothes out of Bella's suitcase and shoutsing „As soon as I finish doing laundry I'm going to put it in your closet and you can start packing for the summer camp alright?"

Bella furrows her brows and drops her phone on the counter before screaming back „Mom, I have to leave in 6 days, not tomorrow. And it's Chicago, not Paris." she jokes about her mom's organization and fashionista lifestyle. Donna carries a full basket back and says while passing the kitchen area: „Yes baby, but it's 3 weeks and I don't want you to forget anything and then complain afterwards."

Doing everything household related on her own is very important to Donna. She does the dishes, laundry and grocery shopping, values healthy cooking and cleans the whole apartment twice a week with a full time job. She is nothing if not a superior single mom.

**Bayfront Park – Miami, Florida**

2 bags from Victoria's Secret in one hand, a Sephora, Forever 21 and very small Tiffany & Co. bag in the other hand Caitlyn makes her way through Bayfront Park. She is supposed to meet with her dad in an hour and thought about grabbing a fancy drink or a bite to eat before going straight to Miami-Dade County Courthouse. Organized and always fashionable are really two of the best phrases to describe the 15 year old. Speaking of fashionable. „Oh god I'm going to Chicago in 6 days and I don't even know which clothes I'm going to take there." Caitlyn says to herself while stopping abruptly. Looking down at all her purchases she smiles and thinks that dressing herself up is definitely not going to be a problem next week. Her dad would say that looking good isn't all that matters in a summer camp for law interested teens but she doesn't know yet if law really is her strong point just because of her dad being such a prosperous lawyer. She wasn't sure about going there in the beginning but Harvey assured her that it's going to be fun since a colleague of him is the main leader this year. Caitlyn knows Jessica since she was a baby and she is more like an aunt or a big sister to her, so the girl started being very keen on attending the camp. She always wondered why Jessica isn't her godmother but Rachel is...

_because Jessica has another goddaughter to take care of..._

**Ventura Boulevard – Los Angeles, California **

On the other side of the country mom and daughter talk about the upcoming event over lunch again. „Are you excited for going there again?" Donna asks while poking around in her chicken sesame salad. „Of course, it was so much fun last year. The attorneys said that I have an exceptional gift when it comes to law and that I can make it on top of the world one day. They were fascinated by me killing it in mock trial. I hope we're doing that again this year." Bella explains enthusiastically. She is really hyped for such an adventure again. Meeting so many other teens who are interested in law and competing with them is just something she enjoys very much. Watching her daughter being so excited about the trip makes her smile. _Her dad's genes really did a great job here._ She is so proud of her girl.

„They also asked me if my parents are lawyers and I told them my mom works at a law firm and is Los Angeles's best COO." the young girl remembers and winks at her mom. While Bella was nothing but happy and looking forward to go there Donna suddenly feels like she's been punched into the guts. She couldn't answer for her dad's side. Of course not, how should she know her dad is New York City's best closer. A name would've been enough. Harvey Specter and her camp leaders would know where her talent comes from. She knows that Caitlyn is very passionate when it comes to law as well but has other interests nevertheless. On Christmas Harvey once sent her a video on which 8-year-old Caitlyn played the main character in a school play. She remembers this to be one of the happiest and worst moments since they broke up. Donna could help her so much with preparing for rehearsals or knowing lines by heart and it's definitely one of the saddest things she ever sustained, that she is not able to do exactly that. After that momentous decision Donna and Harvey swore to themselves that their separation will never have a negative impact on either one of their daughters. But they do suffer from that every single day. They moved across the country and Donna tried to bluff her way out of this situation ever since. Not telling your daughter anything at all, saying day in day out that her dad loves her but that's the cards they have been dealt was better than being honest and raving about the wonderful family she has 2500 miles away.

She notices Bella already finishing her meal and two bites later the redhead is saturated as well. „I have to go pick something up at the office quickly, you can go home if you want to." Donna speaks while shoving the keys over the table. They live only two blocks away so her daughter can walk on her own. „I'll be quick baby, bye bye." she says and kisses Bella on the cheek.

As soon as they part she grabs her phone without even noticing and the maroon manicured nails hover over the call button for what feels like forever. Maybe they did make the wrong choice years ago. And maybe her and Harvey were never destined to end up together even if a part of her will always love him. But the girls did nothing wrong and they as their parents withhold the other part of their family for 15 years now. She feels horrible and nauseous but presses her phone to her hear anyway.

**Dade County Courthouse – Miami, Florida **

Successful and satisfied the handsome lawyer from New York steps out of the court building and shakes hands with his client one last time. Pulling his phone out of his pocket to check if Caitlyn texted anything about her whereabouts he sees a missed call.

He comes to a halt on the middle of the stairs leading down to the street. His heart starts beating incredible fast. _She doesn't call. 15 years and she didn't call once_. It's not the twin's birthday and Donna already sent Isabella's school certificate a week ago when the summer break started. Instantly his brain starts thinking about the worst scenarios before he can even return the call. The few seconds until Donna answers feel like an eternity. His jaw clenches, his breath hitches and he is about to pass out if it wouldn't be for the sound of Donna picking up the phone making it through his speaker. „Donna? Did something happen? Is Isabella okay? Are you okay? Oh my god I was in court, I'm so sorry for not answering the phone, I'm in Miami right-„ he was talking so fast he almost mixed up the sentences. He didn't know what to ask first but luckily Donna cut him off. „Harvey, we're fine, it's okay" Oh god. Her voice. He never forget what it sounded like but it still feels like new territory to hear it again.

„Then why are you calling?" he whispered turning around on auto pilot. He doesn't want to play hide and seek but there is a very high chance that Caitlyn is going to be here every minute. „I think we made a mistake. We have to undo the choice we made." preoccupied by observing his surroundings he was caught off guard by her response. „What?" he knew exactly what she was talking about but never in a million years did he expect her to call him and say those words let alone address this topic. „I knew we mutually decided this back then but I feel like we let the twins suffer from us not being able to handle a marriage-..." she starts but he doesn't let her finish, anger taking over the second she started speaking.

„A mutual decision? Is that what you think this was? I wasn't the one walking out of that door." his voice is louder now and full of fury. He doesn't want their first conversation in years to go by like this but she just struck a nerve, memories from her leaving their apartment bubble up the surface. Walking out on him. With one of his daughters.

„Harvey please don't-..." she begs him and he hears her voice shivering. „What? Help you remember the circumstances?" he fires back

„You didn't give me time to fix it when I said I would." she screams in her phone fighting the tears. „I'm sorry Donna but I had two 6 months old babies to take care of. I'm sorry I wasn't more patient." he cries back not caring who passes by, not even if it's Caitlyn.

„Don't you dare say something like that to me." she warns. „I'm sorry you needed space after you haven't been at home 3 days in a row." he recalls angry and mocks into the phone. But no one screams back this time. He is fully aware that she is crying. Not because he hears her sobs but because _he knows her_. He feels sorry right away. Seeing her cry has always been one of the few things he can't handle and he wants to apologize in an instant but doesn't bring himself to do it. It hurts him just as much as it hurts her and she knows it. „Donna, I'm making sure in every second of my life that Caitlyn is happy. I told her that she has a mom who loves her more than I can count. I give her everything I have and teach her everything I know. She is like my best friend. What do you think happens the moment she meets you or Isabella?" he explains, speaking sincerely from the bottom of his heart hoping she will understand. „Are you saying you're jealous?" she speaks again, more confident this time. „Oh my god, Donna, I'm saying that she will never forgive me for lying to her all her life!" it's his turn to scream again because she just doesn't get it. No one would get it. Keeping a part of her family from his daughter is wrong, he knows that. But what he is even more afraid of than telling her is that she will never trust him again. „I would never want to take any of that from you or harm the relationship you have with Caitlyn. You may be a great dad. But just for one of your daughters." and just like that the call ends.

„Hey, dad are you okay? Didn't it went well in court?"

_**I don't know why it never worked but it's going to now. You don't know what it does to me when I feel you around. Is it love? Is it lust? Is it fear?**_

_Flashback: December 18th 2004 _

_**Lexington Avenue – Manhattan, NY **_

_The halls and offices at the New Yorker law firm glances in red and gold. Mistletoes, Christmas trees and candle chandelier fill the rooms along with the smell of delicious ginger bread and roasted almonds. Every employee comes together in the entrance hall at the elevators now, Harvey and Donna Specter ahead of them. The young couple positions themselves in front of the letters spelling the name of the firm. One hand secured around his wife's waist his hand is resting on her more than present baby bump. „First of all, I want to thank everyone for coming today. Christmas is a very important holiday that should be celebrated with your loved ones and no one can deny that all of you are part of Donna and my family, day in day out, 365 days a year. As most of you might know, our annual Pearson Specter Litt Christmas party has been organized by my beautiful 9 months pregnant wife Donna Specter and due to her planning all of this we were able to keep this as a secret for as long as possible but we definitely have a little surprise for you today." the handsome attorney speaks and raises his glass to a toast. Everyone cheers because they made it through another year of difficult cases and captivating court hours. _

_His wife continues: „I think you can see that my due date isn't far away anymore, it's actually on New Year's Eve, so Harvey and I wanted this to be not only a Christmas party but also the official name reveal of the Specter babies" she yells smiling at her husband. Everyone starts clapping and whistling, their closest friends Mike Ross, Rachel Zane, Louis Litt and Jessica Pearson standing in the front row fighting back the tears. They didn't stop asking them about the names for months now but Donna and Harvey wanted to make it special so they kept them to themselves for just a little longer, enjoying the bubble they were in. _

_Harvey calls two associates from the back and instructs them what to do with the tools he hands them. „We don't want to keep you guys waiting too long so, Baby A is going to be named..." he starts intriguingly, smiling at his wife one last time before shouting: _

„_Isabella Rose Specter." two giant confetti guns exploded and spread pink and white paper cutouts all over the room. Everyone was screaming in adoration, founding the name wonderful and being overly excited for the pair. Harvey leans over to his favourite redhead and places a longing kiss on her lips „Donna came up with Isabella because it has kind of an Italian vibe just like Donna and then Donna and Bella just sounded beautiful together. We couldn't resist picking that name." he explains shortly so everyone has a little bit more of a background story to their journey. „And Rose was my grandma's name." Donna adds smiling into the crowd. _

_It was Donna's turn to reveal the second name now. She hands another two confetti guns to the associates and starts „Okay and Baby B's name will be..." she almost squeals because she can't wait to tell the world and thinks that they chose amazing girl names. _

„_Caitlyn Lily Specter." and again gold and pink confetti fills the room along with balloons this time. „Now it was Harvey's turn to come up with a name. I still don't know how Harvey Specter came up with the prettiest girl name ever, I really don't." she says laughing and apologizes with a quick peck on his lips. Everyone is so happy again and clinks their glasses to Isabella and Caitlyn Specter. _

„_Caitlyn goes so well with Specter and it matches Isabella." Harvey justifies. „Yeah, Caitlyn and Isabella, we just knew that they're perfect." Donna speaks again proudly and practically glowing. „And Lily is my mom's name, some of you may know that." Harvey tells them about the small dedication again and everyone escapes a loud awwww. _

„_Ohh, and can we take a second to appreciate Harvey suggesting Rachel and Jessica as the girl's middle names?" Donna tells her colleagues with raised eyebrows and earns a bursting laughter from Mike and Louis which are shut up by Jessica very quickly by telling them it's cute and that they definitely hadn't thought about Mike or Louis as middle names if they would have had twins boys. _

„_And Caitlyn was actually Catherine but we decided last minute for Caitlyn. In our speech it sounded a little bit too perfect but picking names was actually a mess." Harvey humors because their reveal was a little bit too flawless where it should be genuine. _

_Everyone starts heading to the buffet and the dance floor now but the married couple stops their friends before they can disappear as well. „Before you guys start fighting again, who is going to be who's godparent will decide after they are born. Jessica and Rachel will get one goddaughter each, same goes for Mike and Louis, so every girl has a godmother and a godfather." _

_**Cause we're collecting moments, tattoos on my mind. I ain't even think of leaving sometimes, I ain't even think of letting go. Not even sometimes.**_

**Upper East Side – Manhattan, NY**

_It's later that day when the couple goes to bed. As soon as they got under the sheets Harvey settles right behind Donna, one arm placed under her head and one resting comfortably on her belly spooning the soon-to-be mother of his children. „Donna?" he speaks into her hair quietly, not sure if she is still awake because the pregnancy along with the event at the firm was very exhausting for the young woman. „Yes?" she whispers, her eyes already closed and heavy. „I just want you to know that I will never, you hear me? never leave you or one of the girls. You won't ever be alone. You probably don't want to hear this now and it sounds cheesy as hell but I promise that I'm going to give you and our little ones the best life possible. I will be right here, forever and always." Harvey says softly, every word lingering on the tip of his tongue like it's his last one. He was never a man of great words when it comes to expressing his feelings. But ever since knowing he is going to be a dad his world turned upside down and he changed as a man and as a husband. _

_Donna is silent for a few seconds. A small sob escapes her lips, the hormones making themselves present. „If I hadn't felt the ring on my finger right now I would have thought you're going to propose to me." she breathes and can't hold the giggle making its way out of her throat at the end. _

_It's Harvey's turn to be silent. He knows she hasn't finished yet. „Why Harvey?" she asks overwhelmed. „Because I read online that pregnant women need reassurance. And that it's a really bad idea to tell them something like this while they're in labour." Harvey adds to lighten up the mood a bit. He meant every word of it but wants nothing than to see a smile on his wife's face. „You're an idiot." she turns around and slaps against his chest, looking at him and adoring every detail of his face the darkness can provide. _

„_No, I just really love my girls." he admits leaning in for a soft kiss. „We love you too." Donna responds for all three of them smiling into the passionate lip-lock. _

_**They lived separated for as long as they can remember. But they're going to meet in the middle next week.**_


	3. when you walk out that door

A/N: I know it took me about a month to update this story but I had to figure a few things out with where this story is going and had to asses how many chapters I want to write and how I want to split the content into those. Here is chapter 3, containing the twins' first conversation and three intriguing flashbacks. You might also find out why Harvey and Donna's relationship didn't work out back then…

Thanks for reading! – Angelina aka. mrandmrsspecter on Twitter

**CHAPTER 3 - when you walk out that door**

_One week later _

**LGA LaGuardia Airport - New York City, NY**

„Ugh, It feels like we're living here." the 15 year old half groans half whines. She is used to being on airplanes a lot and having a busy schedule due to her dad having a very time demanding job and his business trips. If she isn't coming along on one of his trips they're going on vacation somewhere else. They once had a layover in Vancouver for 7 hours when they went to Sydney. It's always funny with her dad buying them candy in the middle of the night or a spontaneous trip to Gucci. She never had a weird feeling in the pit of her stomach before boarding a plane. But today is different. Three weeks away from her home, her dad and her friends. He said they are going to FaceTime every evening if she doesn't feel embarrassed in front of her friends.

Her dad must sense her discomfort because he stops walking and steps in front of her to squat down in front of her to see a crumbled face and her glassy eyes. „I thought you like airports and traveling." he asks. „I do. When we're going somewhere together." she responds and faces away from him so a few tears can escape the chocolate brown eyes.

„Cat, come here." he says turning her around by the elbows and embracing her in a loving hug. She buries her face in the crook of his neck where she smells the familiar cologne she would recognize everywhere. „It is just three weeks and we just got back from a wonderful trip to Miami." he whispers while caressing the red waves of his daughters hair.

„I know but we have never been separated for that long." she sobs. „You are going to make so many friends there and you also know Jessica. If someone is being mean to you I know you can handle this. Otherwise you just call me and I will show them who your dad is, alright?" Harvey says and earns a giggle from his daughter which is like music to his hears.

„Okay okay." Caitlyn frees herself from his embrace and sniffs. „Now let's get you on that plane, honey." he says before giving her the passport and boarding card and going with her to the counter where everything is checked through an electrical machine. Caitlyn walks passed the security sign and turns around to wave at her dad who is standing on the opposite side of the glass now.

_**LAX Los Angeles International Airport**_** – Los Angeles, California **

After an optimistic Harvey said goodbye to _his twin_, it's the turn of a worried Donna to see off _her twin _now.

„Do you really have to go through security check now? Like right now?" Donna whines and pulls Bella back from entering the crowd of people that are on their way through security check. „Mom, I'll be fine." Bella rolls her eyes because this is the 7th goodbye in 2 minutes. She loves her mom infinity but really wants to go to Chicago now. „I just already really miss you, baby." Donna sobs before enveloping her daughter in a hug.

„I'm going to make so many amazing friends just like I did last year. I'm sure Jessica picked the coolest people out, I trust her." the mini-redhead states proudly. „Someone is a big fan of her godmother." Donna smiles and wipes the tears from the corner of her eyes. The mention of Jessica as Bella's godmother holds a very happy memory and she thinks back to the moment that changed her and Harvey's life forever.

_Flashback: New Year's Eve 2004 _

**Mount Sinai Hospital – Manhattan, NY**

_The 4 lawyers walk down the hallway of Mount Sinai Hospital after they received Harvey's call an hour ago. The small family is good to be visited now and they don't want to wait another second. „Donna couldn't you hold them in for one more day, I'm losing 50 dollars now!" Mike whispers as soon as he opens the door. Donna is half laying half sitting with closed eyes, her back facing the door. Harvey said the delivery was really exhausting for her given the fact that she not only had to give birth to one baby, but two. Harvey is holding one of the girls who is wrapped in a light pink blanket with a hat on her tiny head. He stands next to the bed soothing the newborn to sleep. They figure the other girl sleeps in a bassinet because the lawyer's gaze never left the small bed. The new-fledged dad turns to them and smiles, his expression nothing but proud and happy. „Mike was the only one who's bet was on December 31st as the birthday of the Specter twins." Louis said. „I said January 1st and Rachel said Christmas Eve." he added. _

„_Jessica what did you bet on?" Harvey asks after seeing his mentor step in behind his friends as curiosity got the better of him._

„_Believe it or not, December 30th." the managing partner grins sassy. They are all stepping closer now, trying to be as quiet as possible so they won't wake mother or children. „Ohh, then I think Jessica gets the honor of holding them first and deciding who's godmother she will be. We won't tell who is who, of course." Harvey speaks before they could come any closer. They're lawyers after all and play by rules and everything is a competition. He holds the baby carefully into Jessica's direction and makes sure she was securely settled in his friend's arms before letting go completely. „Ohh, you adorable little thing, it's aunt Jessica." she whispers and tickles the girl's nose. Who would've thought such a side of Jessica Pearson exists. _

„_Wow you are so good with babies." Louis speaks under his breath, not really realizing what he is saying. His eyes are glued to the baby, after all Sheila and him will be in a similar situation in a few months. „Another word, Louis and you are out of that room in 2 seconds." Jessica shoots back, her eyes not leaving the tiny bundle of joy in her arms. _

„_And a redhead just like your mom." Rachel observes in awe. „She is beautiful." Mike nods. 50$ his ass, he wants to be the godfather of either one of these amazing babies right now. „Aww whoever it is inherited your moles, Harvey." Jessica says stunning, shooting him a glare of adoration. She has no idea which twin is the one pressed to her chest now but after looking at the two moles she doesn't care anymore. „I think you are going to be my goddaughter, baby girl." Jessica breathes. _

_Harvey turns his head to Donna while everyone is silently clapping and congratulating Jessica on her godmother-hood. Exhaustion is normal after going through labour but what no one knew is that the redhead is sleeping for almost 20 hours now without waking up once. Unfortunately she misses that important moment now. He reaches into the bassinet and takes out his second daughter, holding her into Rachel's direction. They still don't know which twin is which but he doesn't want to keep them waiting anymore. „Rachel do you want to say hello to your goddaughter then?" he asks the brunette. „Rachel, this is Caitlyn Lily Specter, your goddaughter." he speaks after the baby is secured in her arms. Jessica lights up because that means little Isabella is her goddaughter. „Aww she is an angel." Rachel says stroking Caitlyn's cheek. „What do you say, Jessica and I share a twin and you and Rachel? In that way there can always be two babies in the Ross-Zane household." Mike leans in to tell Louis about his idea who eagerly agrees and steps in front of Rachel to take Caitlyn, his goddaughter, from her. _

„_Just to make this clear, no one shares either of my daughters with anyone. They're ours." Harvey warns pointing between him and Donna with raised eyebrows. _

„_Harvey Specter, who are you?" Mike laughs. _

„_I'm asking myself this every single day." Jessica responds. _

_End of flashback _

„She is so cool, it's a pity we never visited her in New York." Bella says disappointed. She FaceTimes her regularly whether it's about a law related problem the young girl came up with or a boy she really likes. For some reason her mom has a strict refusal of setting a foot on to New York City's ground. Bella and Donna live a busy life, not that they would have time anyway. „It is, but you're going to have 3 whole weeks with her." her mom says encouraging. „Does she know I'm attending again?" Bella asks. If not, the girl is sure it would be a great surprise. „Uhm, I don't think so. I didn't tell her and the lists of participants, just like the mini-bar-exam results went straight to the management." the redhead responds while looking over her shoulder on the screen where the gate of her daughter's flight is shown as ‚open'. „Ohh great, then I'll surprise her." she screams in excitement and pulls her mom in for one last hug before turning around and finally going through passport control.

**Millennium Park – Chicago, Illinois **

_5 hours, 2800 and respectively 1000 kilometers later._

The stunning scenery of Chicago's Millennium Park surrounds a huge group of teens standing in front of a stage. Flags that say „Junior Law Summer Camp" and the insanely high skyline are built around them. The kids are talking to each other, some laughing, some being quiet. You can see without much effort who is here for making friends and having fun or who sees their competitors next to them. Very ambitious and determined expressions on young people's faces. Where else should it come from when your parents are successful lawyers, some running own firms or working for the state.

Caitlyn stands in the first row next to a boy and a girl who Cat gets to know as the Charrington siblings. Their parents are senior partners of one of the best law firms in Arizona and she clicks with the girl instantly. The boy seems very nice as well but is a few years older than her. Isabella stands on the far left end of the third row surrounded by other kids from California whom she met on the plane. Some of them seem not that bad but they're definitely not going to be her best friends. One more spoiled than the other, all attending private schools in Los Angeles and none of them has an ounce of empathy. Bragging about their parents must be their best character trait. The 15-year old doesn't care, she keeps a straight face and focuses on the stage. _We'll see if they keep their big mouth open when mock trial starts. _

A gorgeous woman with dark skin and long brown waves makes her way up on a stage. Clad in clothes the girls can only dream of she steps to the microphone and starts speaking. „Hello everybody, I'm so glad all of you made it to Chicago to attend our yearly Junior Law Summer Camp. I am Jessica Pearson, Managing Partner at Pearson Specter Litt in New York City and incredibly happy to be the leader this year along with my assistants, lawyers and associates." she gestures around her to the colleagues behind her. Caitlyn recognizes a few of them but doesn't really know anyone. „Out of 350 applications you are the 45 with the highest results which is very impressive. The 15 best of you are in group 1, the 15 second best in group 2 and the 15 third best in group 3. These groups are just to make the organization easier and to provide you with appropriate tasks based on your knowledge." she continues and keeps the teams in suspense of their results. Caitlyn is really nervous because she doesn't know how good her exam actually was. Not that her dad would be mad if she is not the best but she also wants to make him proud. She hold her head high and smiles confidently anyway. _I'm a Specter. I don't lose. _

Isabella had a good feeling about the test and expects to be part of the first group, of course.

„Due to tomorrow being our first day we're going to start with a mock trial for group 1. Some random names were chosen from our participation list to decide who will be who. All of you passed our small bar examination so the cases and tasks for the next 3 weeks are not going to be easy. The first case is similar to Moon v. the State of Texas in 2004 and after everyone receives a file from my assistant you have one night to prepare for mock trial. If you're interested in studying law then this is what your life will look like, so don't complain. We picked this case even if it's connected to murder because we don't want to bore you with tax invasion and I think you can learn a lot from that explicit case." Jessica explains and earns grins from the kids after she mentions that it's going to be a murder case. These are one hell of future law students...

„I'll read the roles for group 1 out now, if you're not mentioned you will be in the jury." she continues. „Our judge is Aurora Charrington" she looks into the crowd searching for a sign until the pretty brown haired girl from Arizona raises her arm. She smiles at her, silently congratulating her. „Defendant will be: Kian Hawkes." a blonde spoiled boy from Calabasas puts a smug smirk on, followed by a comment about him being the _bad boy. _A groan escapes Isabella and she prays that she won't be the person defending him. „And we also need three witnesses, Hayden Winship and Kendall Sullivan will speak in favour of the defendant, Camryn Melville testifies against him." Jessica announces into the crowd and waits for the girls and the boy to raise their arms.

She is especially excited about her next announcement. She told Harvey about his daughter's results as soon as she got them. He was incredibly proud that hers was under the 10 best examinations. The young girl doesn't know yet but she will tell her god daughter any second about the very important role she is getting. „The role of our lawyer goes to Caitlyn Specter." she smiles into the front row, earning a relieved breath from her. Caitlyn hugs the girl next to her and is beyond excitement.

Jessica focuses back on the list in front of her, noticing a small note in the line of the girl who gets the next role. „For the role of our District Attorney of the State Illinois there is a remark made behind the line from Ellen Rand who was the camp leader last year, saying that all of you should be aware that this girl killed last year's mock trial. So buckle up and put your law underwear on tomorrow, kids. That message goes especially to the defendant's lawyer who will compete directly against her." She smirks because she loves to see how young girls will absolutely serve and show the world that women run the business of law. Jessica looks down on the list again to read out the name of the girl that is going to be the District Attorney. Jessica swallows. The 15 letters staring back at her. _No. I have to read that again... it can't say Isabella Paulsen... someone would have told me that she is here. Does Harvey know?... oh my god it does say her name! _The last time she saw her goddaughter was when she was about 5 months old and, believe it or not, Harvey needed some help with the babies. After Donna left she never saw either one of them again. Rachel visited them a few times and told Harvey and her that she is developing great and is the most amazing girl, besides Caitlyn of course. Harvey showed her Bella's school certificate last week and was incredibly proud of her. Especially for getting the highest grade in economy and law.

„Isabella Paulsen, congratulations." she swallowed and looked into the crowd, the fake smile she put on slowly fading as a stunning young redhead in the third row raises her arm and puts an auburn lock behind her ear. A single tear made its way down the tough lawyer's cheek.

_Oh _

_my _

_god _

_Tomorrow it's not going to be Hawkes v. State of Illinois but Specter v. Paulsen. The world is not ready for this_.

**The Langham Hotel – Chicago, Illinois **

They stay in a luxurious hotel, unsurprisingly due to their parents paying a small fortune for that camp, and Jessica's assistant tells them who stays with who and in which room. Isabella waits for her name to be announced when another girl approaches her. „Hey, I'm Kendall. Kendall Sullivan, from Minnesota. Ms. Pearson mentioned Pearson Specter Litt in her speech and your last name is Specter so, what I really want to know is, how does it feel to have that name in the legal world? Do you give autographs?" she is out of breath and seems very wired, far from likable. And what did she say, who is said to be her dad? She doesn't even know who it is herself... and what was the thing about the autographs?

„Excuse me?" is all Bella's responds after a few seconds. „My last name doesn't ring a bell to you? Does Nick Sullivan?" the girl counters. Isabella shakes her head and still has no idea what Kendall is talking about. „Caitlyn Specter. Born and raised in Manhattan and the daughter of PSL's Senior Partner Harvey Specter. The perfect life, spoiled as hell, just got back from Miami. Didn't attend any of the past year law camps but suddenly passes the exam when she just turned 15. Daddy must've payed a really high prize to get you in here." the girl states blinking a few times with her long lashes, pretending to beg for something.

Ohh, Isabella knows exactly what this is about. She always had a good memory and notices that this girl must have mixed her with Caitlyn Specter who will be the lawyer tomorrow.

„I have no idea who you're talking about but you must be at the wrong address. I'm Isabella Paulsen. From California. You better watch your mouth before you talk about another girl like that ever again. Whoever she is, I'm sure she didn't do anything wrong and you're just some jealous adolescent girl who is not here for making friends." Bella snaps and takes a few steps away from her. _Please, please, please don't let her be my roommate, plea-_

„Isabella and Kendall, Room 546."

_Ohh, come on... _

When they arrive on their floor Isabella catches a glimpse of red hair disappearing into one of the doors. Assuming this must be the girl Kendall talked about she passes their door and knocks on the redhead's door. She wants to avoid Kendall anyway. The door opens and she faces someone who seems oddly familiar. There is no chance she has seen her before but the freckles, the pale skin, the red hair, the taste in clothing, just everything reminds her of someone.

„Am I interrupting?" Isabella stutters. „Hey, no I was just about to start studying all the files Jessica, uhm, Ms. Pearson gave to us." Caitlyn looks up and points towards the files in her hand after correcting herself for saying Jessica instead of Ms. Pearson. „I'm Isabella Paulsen, the D.A. for tomorrow and wow, I love your hair." she introduces herself and complements her while stepping into the large single bed room. „Aww thank you but yours is almost the same colour... length... and structure." she mutters in adoration, noticing how odd it is that their hair is so similar.

„Can I ask you something?" Bella says while sitting down on the couch in front of the window. „Sure. I think we're not supposed to talk to each other about the case but-..." Caitlyn starts but gets cut off. „What did you do to Kendall Sullivan?" Bella half jokes half wonders. „Ugh, don't even start. That girl is horrible." Caitlyn states while laying on her stomach on the bed to scroll down on her MacBook. „Our dads know but don't like each other at all. They had a case against each other once and my dad won. He's also working at a law firm in Manhattan. Why do you ask? Because she is in favour of my client tomorrow?" she explains without even looking at the other girl only facing her when she asks the question about the mock trial in the end.

„No. She just came to me and if looks could kill I would be laying somewhere bleeding to death now. She started saying terrible things to me because she thought that I'm you." Isabella tells her about their earlier incident. „We must look kind of alike then." Isabella shrugs and watches Caitlyn fishing for a file from her nightstand. „Nooo, you have a completely different mouth than me and your eyes are brown. I don't have two moles above my eyebrow." the Specter twin says and she is right. They look really similar at first sight but Isabella can tell after a one minute long conversation that they're totally different when you look into detail.

„I just tried to find a reason for Kendall being so annoying." Isabella jokes, hiding how serious she was about them looking like sisters. „I'm sorry you had to experience that instead of me." Caitlyn responds and send her an apologetic gaze.

„Whatever, I like you way better so I'm going to give her the third degree tomorrow and end her." Isabella states proudly because she knows that's one of her secret weapons and Caitlyn seems to be a very nice girl.

„So your reputation is true then." she hears from the bed. „What?" Bella questions confused.

„What Jessica said „She killed it last year and you better run for the hills because no one has a chance anyway." Caitlyn says while imitating Jessica's deep voice.

„She didn't say it like that." Isabella laughs and tries not to sound overambitious or selfish.

„Not the point." Caitlyn counters. „Oh god, you're talking like my mom now." Bella jerks at the familiarity of that statement but earns nothing except an expectant look from Caitlyn.

„I already attended last year's camp and Ellen Rand, the leader, seemed to have a thing for me and my opening statement in mock trial and how I work through every little detail when it comes to a case. I think she just liked my determination and how ambitious I am." Bella explains thinking about last year's camp and her mock trail experience.

„You really want to do that when you're grown up, huh? Going to Harvard law, becoming managing partner one day." Caitlyn pictures her dad's way of life without Isabella knowing but that's also what everyone is expecting of her. She wishes she had the same determination and goals as Isabella has. „How do you know?" the Paulsen twin asks confused. „I'm Caitlyn and I know everything." is what she receives as an answer. „Stop sounding like my mom, that's so weird." Isabella almost screams and both of them fall into an easy laughter. „But yes, you're right. That's my dream. My mom is working at a law firm in Los Angeles but as Chief Operating Officer. I have always been friends with all her colleagues and you might get a little attached to the legal business if you spent most of your childhood in law offices. But my mom always says it's my exceptional gift."

Caitlyn nods after Isabella finished, trailing off into a daydream about how she think that law isn't meant for her and she didn't inherit such a gift even if her dad is living for the legal business. Bella notices how Caitlyn's mood changed and tries to switch topics. „So your dad and Jessica work together?" she asks. „Yes, they're like brother and sister." Caitlyn explains and Bella starts wondering a little bit. „That's funny but, believe it or not, Jessica is my godmother. She used to be very close to my mom but I think we never passed her a visit to date. Though I didn't get a chance to talk to her yet." Now it's Caitlyn's turn to be confused. Jessica is as close to her as an adult can be to a child without being a direct relative. „I didn't know she had any godchildren. Do you used to live in New York City?" she questions. „Yes, we moved when I was 6 months old." Bella responds casually while standing up to look out of the window.

„So do you attend this year because of Jessica then?" she asks when Caitlyn seems to be preoccupied with her thoughts again. „Mostly, yes. I was afraid I'm not good enough when it comes to law until my dad convinced me it is worth a try and that I always have Jessica if I'm feeling insecure." Caitlyn doesn't know why she is telling a random girl how she feels in the middle of a hotel room now. She is a very confident girl, knows her strengths but has to battle with certain how-do-I-tell-my-dad-law-isn't-really-my-thing feelings for months now and out of the blue she tells Isabella whom she met 5 minutes ago. „Kendall let that part out but she mentioned that you never applied before." was the response she got from Isabella who tried to lighten the mood a bit. „My dad and I were on Hawaii last year during the camp." Caitlyn states proudly earning a scream from Isabella. „Oh my god Hawaii. It's like around the corner from Los Angeles and I have never been there!" she says.

„I wish we could talk more about beautiful vacations but I'm afraid I have to continue this now." Caitlyn apologies and points around the files surrounding her on the bed now. „Of course." Bella says and makes her way towards the exit. She is almost out of the door when she turns around holding a finger up. „Wait." Caitlyn looks stunned. „How does it come you got your own room while I have to share one with that spoiled Minnesota girl?" Bella asks pointing between the two of them. „Like I said, Jessica is like my aunt." Caitlyn smirks before closing the door on Isabella.

_Flashback: April 21st 2005_

**Upper East Side – Manhattan, NY**

„_Thank god you're here." Harvey breathes while opening the door to his apartment. His hair is messy and he smells a little bit... __well... __not showered. He trips over a toy laying in the hallway while soothing a screaming Isabella. _

„_What exactly happened over here?" Jessica asks as she makes her way through the labyrinth of rattles and stuff animals. The second the kitchen and living room come in to view she halts. It looks like a bomb exploded. Milk bottles spilled on the counter and peas, carrots and bananas are everywhere. A crying Caitlyn lays in the bassinet surrounded by couch pillows. „If you think I came here to clean up the apartment, I'm walking straight out here again." she announces but Harvey knows she doesn't mean it. She is here to help him with those little girls because she loves them infinity. _

„_No but maybe you can watch the twins for a second and prepare some milk. Bananas are in the fridge in case they want a little snack afterwards. Just cut really small pieces. They're going to fly across the apartment anyway so..." he trails of lost in thoughts thinking about the bananas being a bad idea. _

„_How much did your dress cost?" he asks. She just waves it off... __3000$ but who cares... and makes her way towards Harvey to take Caitlyn from him who immediately stops crying. _

„_Oh my god you have no idea how grateful I am to have you. I'm taking a shower quickly and do the laundry after it. Then I'll clean up." he blows her a kiss and she rolls her eyes before he sprints into the direction of the bathroom. _

„_If I had known your daddy smells like a teenager I would have come earlier, baby. If he had pressed me to his stinky chest I would have cried my eyes out as well." Jessica days laying Caitlyn into the bassinet and tickling Isabella belly lightly. She earns a small smile from them before they drift off to sleep. _

_She just prepared two bottles of milk and cleaned up a bit when Harvey returned with a basket full of pink baby clothes. „Ohh and can we take the twins for a walk then and get some groceries? I have to prepare something for dinner when Donna gets home." he asks sincerely. It's not natural that Jessica helps him out like that and he would never take it for granted but going grocery shopping with a stroller in one hand and a shopping trolley in the other hand is really annoying. _

„_Wait a second, you called me to help you out with the babies, you obviously didn't shower in 3 days, your keys are laying in the sink and there is something that looks like carrots all over a 2000$ dollar dress shirt but you're telling me that you will cook dinner for Donna?" she stops mid-working at can't believe what he just said. Donna has been at the office for 15 hours every day since the twins were born and Harvey told her not to address it. Something about post-pregnancy depressions but if Harvey lets her, she would give leave to Donna in a second. They don't have to work day in the out for a living, they have enough money, a beautiful home and two amazing daughters. She can't figure out why Donna is behaving like this but seeing Harvey as almost a single parent without any sleep hurts and makes her furious about Donna. And now he is saying he takes the time in between all this stress not for himself or to shower but to care about Donna? _

„_Every evening." is the only answer she gets. _

_**You're a dangerous love and baby, you're no good for me, darling. **_

_**Cause if you're gonna love me and leave me hanging here then I'd rather you leave me lonely even though it hurts.**_

„_Isabella come on, work with daddy, that little leg needs to go through- no, no, no, why are you crying honey? I just changed your diaper. We really need to get this done and then you can have some milk, alright? Here take this."_

_He hands her a tissue for distraction and focuses on getting a tiny foot through the hole of the pink onesie. His concentration was interrupted by the dangling of keys in the hallway. He grabs his daughter half-dressed from the changing unit and jogs through the apartment. _

_He catches a glimpse of red hair with Donna's back facing him. „Where are you going?" he asks his wife who is just about to leave. Seeing that she is clad in a burgundy stunning dress that hugs her curves just perfectly he looks at his reflection in the windows. He looks a little bit homeless with his not-shaved face and his joggers. And not to be mentioned that he is running out of clean shirts. _

„_To the office. There are still things to be organized with you being absent and Louis needs some help with the associates due to Sheila being pregnant." she explains like it's the most normal thing in the world while fumbling a file into her hand bag. „I know, Donna. Believe it or not I work at this firm as well." he counters. „Are you sure you don't want to stay home today? We could go for a walk in Central Park with the twins." Harvey suggest with little to no expectations. It must be the fifties time in a row that he proposes a plan that involves family time and she declined. _

„_I really have to get this done today." she waves the file into his face and turns around with an apologetic smile. She is about to open the door when her husband's hand smashes it close. „Ohh, you mean like the last two weeks when I asked you to take a day off?" Harvey, who is now holding Isabella in one arm while he leans against the door with his other. „Harvey, we discussed this over and over again and I thought you would be fine with taking parental leave." it is always the same old story Donna starts with... as if parental leave would be the problem. He is happy that he has a year to be home and see his children grow up but if he had known that this deal would involve his wife being absent all the time he probably wouldn't have agreed. „I am, I want nothing more than to be home with our girls, I just don't understand why you don't want this!" he adds angrily, trying to keep his voice down for his daughter's sake. _

„_What are you saying?" Donna furrows her brows. „I am saying that you are never here! Jessica was here to help me yesterday, Rachel is babysitting at least twice a week. My protégé buys diapers for the twins. For the past 4 months all I have been doing is running from living room to the kitchen to the nursery and back with one or two babies on my arms to sing them to sleep and do laundry while they rest for 10 minutes or I'm preparing two babies to leave the house and getting groceries after running with a stroller and not being able to shower afterwards! Where have you been for all of this?" he is standing between her and door now wearing his heart upon his sleeve and telling her how he felt for the past weeks. They never had that talk and he doubted they would ever have it because they barely see each other. This is his chance now and for once she seems to listen. For just a split second he sees hurt and fear in her eyes, sees the eyes he fell in love with starring back at him. Seconds later she already put that fake smile of hers back on and pretends nothing happened. „Harvey you're overreacting and this is not true, I'm doing as much as you-..." she starts but gets cut off by him. „No matter how stressful my day was or how many times I got up at night to let you sleep, I always made sure to serve you breakfast in the morning and prepare dinner in the evening. You're never eating a bit of it, I think you don't even notice it's there but I didn't care."_

„_I'm leaving now."_

„_Yes, just walk out of that door like you have been doing every single day for the past 113 days!" he doesn't have to count, he knows this number by heart. Isabella and Caitlyn are 113 days old today and fill his life with more happiness than he could have ever imagined. But this day also marks 113 days of him living like a single parent. He always knew Donna is a super woman, one of the many traits he fell in love with, but he didn't expect her to be that less impacted by a delivery of twins. She gave birth on December 30th and, believe it or not, she returned to work on January 2nd after PSL's holidays ended. Ever since that day, she buried herself into work. Harvey couldn't explain her distant behavior so he contacted Donna's OB-GYN and he suggested they see a therapist. After having convinced his wife to see that __stupid doctor __he suspected Donna to suffer from post-pregnancy depression where you have bonding problem with your children because you don't see yourself in a mother role. _

_As if Donna is a mind reader, who she actually is, she says: „Do you remember what the doctor said? No one knows how long post-pregnancy depressions last! Don't you think I want to bond with these two beautiful babies that I carried in me for 9 months? Because I want to! I really do! I am just not in that mother role yet. I don't know how to hold or feed them! I didn't do laundry in 10 years and I suck at cooking. So yes, I'm walking out of that door even if I don't want to from the bottom of my heart." her fear turned into fury and she made no effort to keep her voice down. As a consequence Isabella started crying and sobs into Harvey's shirt. _

_He shoots her an angry and disappointed look and turns around to soothe his daughter while heading into the living room. He only stopped because he heard Donna screaming after him: „I'm going to fix this, fix myself. I just need you to give me a little more time." she begs but it's hopeless. Harvey continues his walk until he disappears into the nursery and out of sight. _

_Wiping a few tears away Donna does the way too familiar move to head through the door and close it behind her._

_**So when you walk out that door, don't you come back no more. My heart has had enough of the give and take and as much as I want you to stay...**_


	4. we're screaming just to see who's louder

A/N: It took me another while to write that chapter because I had it planned since chapter 1 and wanted it to be as perfect as possible. It contains an angsty flashback again, just like a darvey phone call which might have or might have not ended up in a screaming match. As the title says (which is by the way my favourite chapter title yet) this is all about angst and shouting fights, also between Caitlyn and Isabella, so stay tuned.

Thanks for reading!

-Angelina aka. mrandmrsspecter on Twitter

**CHAPTER 4 – we are screaming just to see who is louder **

**Michigan Avenue – Chicago, Illinois **

The sun is rising over Chicago when some law students already make their way into the office tower that holds the floors rented for the next 6 weeks. Isabella is one of the first people to get there, of course. She called Donna on her way to the building after she had a quick breakfast in their hotel. Her mom wasn't that keen on hearing that her daughter had less than two hours of sleep and just cereals for breakfast but what is she supposed to do. She knows the life in the legal world and also knows what it is like to be _married_ to one.

Looking up from her phone the redhead senses a familiar figure in front her. As soon as she spots Jessica making her way through the lobby all on her own she assesses this to be a perfect opportunity to talk to her godmother. „Surprise." the Paulsen twin screams from behind her and jumps in front of the lawyer to block her way. „Caitlyn, hey. Have you told your dad about the Moon case yet?" Jessica said and seemed to be way less enthusiastic about seeing her goddaughter for the first time in… forever. „Uhm, it's me. Isabella." the 15 year old stumbled.

_Ohh._

_Right._

_It is sad but I sometimes forget there are two of them. _

„Oh my god, look at you." Jessica whispers and comes to an abrupt halt immediately. She looks at the girl's face, sizing her up and is on the verge of crying now. She wipes the unshaded tears away before Bella can even notice them. „Why do people keep on mixing me and Caitlyn up, it's getting weird." Isabella comments confused. „You met her?" Jessica asks a little bit too soon and too loud. After reading out Isabella's name she was the one left in shock because it will be the first time to see her in person. But she never actually considered that the girls will actually meet, due to it being so many kids here. Oh my god. She might have just forgotten about that one small secret she knows about. She sees Caitlyn almost every day in New York City and she loves her infinity, just like she facetimes Bella at least once a week. She kept that secret for Harvey and Donna's sake. They made that decision and it is definitely not her secret to tell but seeing the other twin in front of her now makes her remembering a picture she only saw once before and will probably never see again. Caitlyn and Isabella together, in their nursery, laying in their respective bassinets and sleeping peacefully.

„Who? Caitlyn? Of course, she is really nice." Bella pulls her out of her way down the memory lane seconds later. Hearing her talk that casual about her _sister _really is one of the saddest thing the forty-five year old had to witness to date. No one can give them those years back. The time they lost is gone. Money can't buy you a time machine. The tears she was able to hide at the beginning of their conversation are running down her cheeks now.

„Hey, it's fine, I didn't mean to make you cry." Bella says stunned and pulls her godmother in for a hug. She did expect Jessica to miss her and to be happy about finally seeing her but she did not expect such an emotional reaction. „Why didn't you tell me that you are going to attend this year's camp?" the lawyer whispers. „We only got the information on who is going to be the leader two weeks ago and I thought I can surprise you." Isabella starts explaining and ends up giggling into Jessica's hair because of how childish that must have sounded.

„That you did." she laughed as well.

„Look at you gorgeous girl, stop growing up." Jessica said when she freed herself from the embrace and strokes a strand of auburn hair behind the girl's ear. „If I don't grow up I have to wait even longer until I can get into Harvard Law." Bellas whines. „Of course, Madame is just like her-..." the lawyer starts laughing again and almost continues to speak freely about Isabella's... _dad_. „like my...?" the redhead asks. „Mother." Jessica replies immediately and Bella seems to buy it. Does Bella think Donna went to Harvard Law? Damn, someone already tell that girl something that is true. _Like that she has a twin._

„I have to finish preparing my opening pleading now, I can't wait for the trial, I studied all night for it! See you." Isabella put some distance between them while speaking in excitement. She was almost gone before something popped into Jessica's head.

_Remember, there are two of them._

„Bella." she shouts and waits for the girl to turn around again. „Caitlyn is the defendant's lawyer, I think you know that by now. Please, take it easy on her." she asks and puts an empathetic smile on. She never wanted anything for Cat but to be a strong independent woman who doesn't back off a fight. And that she is, but you should also pick the fight made for your league and your passion. She seems to forget about that sometimes.

Isabella stands in the middle of the office that presents the courtroom today. It's the turn of the last witness now, the girl is in favour of the defendant who is sitting behind her on the left, next to Caitlyn. It just was the Specter twin's turn to give the last witness the third degree, she finished and the judge called the current one to the stand. It's the final round and Isabella takes it easy on the girl. She asks a few irrelevant questions which drives her crazy from the inside. The girl being the judge accepts all the illegal things anyway, she is like Tinkerbell and just sits in her chair being kind and cute. Bella would have won this case after 2 minutes. Hadn't it been for the thing Jessica said about Caitlyn that is still ringing in her head…

„No more questions. She is your witness." she said it before she even noticed it. Bella pointed into the direction of Cat, smiled at the witness and took a seat. That's it. She just let her win. No one seems to notice something, seems like they don't even know what the case was actually about.

„What the hell was that?" someone screams from behind as soon as Isabella makes her way into the bathroom. She turns around to be face to face with a furious Caitlyn. „Excuse me?" she says. „The phone call." the other twin snaps but gets no response. Instead, Isabella just furrows her brows and turns to the sink to wash her hands. „You had the evidence of the murder." Cat states and folds her arms. „Must have forgotten about that." Isabella shrugs.

„Hold on. Wait a second. Are you saying Isabella Paulsen, known as the Queen of these freaking mock trials worked on that case for 15 hours nonstop and forgets about the decretory evidence?" the Specter twin shots back in disbelief. „Caitlyn..." Bella starts. „Don't Caitlyn me, I know exactly what you did." with a response that makes the Specter-Paulsen genes present, Cat gave her an angry look and took a few steps in her direction. „You felt bad about me being insecure when it comes to law. You knew I was scared of that mock trial and thought letting me win would help me gain some confidence. Everyone cheered me up and Jessica seemed so proud of me. Maybe any other person would thank you for this but you know what? I'm good to go without you. I can handle this on my own and I regret telling you about my feelings yesterday!" and with that she stormed out of the restroom, fighting the tears. „Jessica was the one asking me to take it easy on you!" Bella screams after her. „Ohh and since when does Isabella Paulsen what she is told?" and with one last furious glance in Isabella's direction she is gone.

**The Langham Hotel – Chicago, Illinois **

She thinks about calling her dad. About cancelling and going back to New York. This is her second day here and she feels horrible. They have the rest of the day off until Jessica will hand over a new case to them in the evening. Who presents the best strategy tomorrow will be allowed to accompany Jessica in court. She is surrounded by people who want this a million times more than she does but because she _won_ the mock trial she is currently on top of the list. Daydreaming about making a stop over at Dunkin Donuts for food-retail-therapy was interrupted by a familiar voice. „Hey, Cat. Your mock trial defense was exceptional." echoed through the hallway. She recognized Jessica's voice instantly and could tell that she was in a way too good mood for the current circumstances. „Was it? Because we both know the final evidence would have destroyed my client." she takes a deep breath, turns around and snaps her response right into the lawyer's face and tries hard not to shed a tear. „If the DA forgot about it then it's her fault. You did a great job in there." Jessica shrugs. „Isabella Paulsen doesn't forget about something and you have to know that, if I remember correctly, she is your goddaughter." Caitlyn shots back with _her mother's sass_. „She told you that?" Jessica asked stunned and comes to a halt. „She did. Just like she said you asked her to hide it!" the 15 year old responds and turns around again to escape the conversation. She calls the elevator and steps inside as soon as the metal door opened.

„Caitlyn, I didn't mean to..." the lawyer starts and stops the doors from closing to make her way inside the box as well. „I really don't care about that now and I'm so freaking tired of everyone wanting to protect me because I'm little and not the overambitious law-is-all-I-am kind of kid. I can fight my own battles." Cat says angrily leaning against the wall on the far back of the elevator. „Cat. Don't you think I know that you're way more interested in fashion, management and acting? That things like that are your passion? Because in comparison to your dad I'm not blind." Jessica says encouraging while stepping in front of her. A single tear escapes the girl and she watches her biting her bottom lip before starting to sob like the baby she once was. Jessica envelopes the Specter twin into her arms and starts soothing her hair.

„And just so you know, that's totally fine. Not everyone is made for this world. It's cruel and horrendous sometimes." she whispers. It takes the girl a few moments and some sobs to reply. „Thank you. For understanding." she sniffs into the lawyer's brown locks. Someone noticed about her interests being elsewhere. For the first time she feels like somebody doesn't expect to serve in the legal world from the 15 year old. „I saw you for the first time when you were a few hours old. All I ever wanted was for you to become an independent, strong and happy woman. And that you are." Jessica smiles and kisses Caitlyn's forehead. She smiles again and laughs at the weirdness of the situation. When the doors opened again, both of them made her way out into the lobby and Cat heads straight to the exit. On a new mission. She has some apologies to make.

**Starbucks on 646 N Michigan Avenue – Chicago, Illinois **

She spots her sitting at one of the tables next to the glass panels. She can't quite explain why, but somehow she knew exactly where to find Isabella. The redhead sits in an armchair, an empty iced coffee on the table in front of her and a laptop in her lap.

_I wouldn't be surprised if she already begged Jessica for the case files for tomorrow to bury herself into law related things. _

The Specter twin makes her way into the store trying not to be noticed. She orders two pink drinks, feeling like Bella should try out her favourite beverage of all time as well.

"Can you write _Caitlyn_ on the first cup and _"I'm sorry"_ on the second one?" Cat asks the barista politely and receives a knowing smile. As soon as she is handed out her drinks she ventures through the crowded coffee shop until she is almost standing next to where Isabella is sitting. She carefully places the cup in front of the Paulsen twin and turns it around so she can read what it says. „These were my dad's genes speaking." Cat says apologetic and sits down opposite of her. She was being unfair to Bella earlier that day and she knows she is mad at her, but when the other redhead starts to shut her laptop it encourages Caitlyn to continue.

„He may be a bad ass lawyer and also shitty sometimes, selfish and likes to gain all the success possible. But he isn't unfair. Never. He never wants anyone to fight his battles. I may not have inherited the passion for law from him but I'm definitely my own fighter. Always fair." she starts explaining and thinks back to the mock trial. „I saw that you wanted to pull the evidence. I saw it in your eyes and I know that you decided against it last minute. I can't tell you where I got that from but empathy seems to be one of my better traits. Not to sound arrogant but I can read people." her empathy playing a huge roll, she tries to show Isabella her point of view and for some reason she always compares it to her dad. It is just all she sees when she looks at the girl sitting opposite of her. „You like the success, just like my dad does. Law, trials, court, these fancy glass offices and lots of paperwork. That's your world and I know you're going to be a great lawyer one day. But behind all of that the people matter to you as well. You're surely not here for making friends but my story struck a nerve somewhere in your body yesterday. There is a different world outside of the law full of other fancy things people are keen on doing but some can never achieve this because they're born into this legal world. You pitied me but there is no reason to. My dad is the best person in the world and I know he always puts my happiness first, so there is no need to worry about anything." Cat adds with a shy smile, being proud to be her dad's daughter and not hiding anymore from having different interests.

„I wish I could say something like that about my dad. I don't know if he was ever interested in law or if he went to Harvard Law. I wish he would say that he is proud of me only one time in my life. Maybe when I graduate or when I win my first case." Bella responds. Now it seems to be her turn to make the sad confession and the answer takes Caitlyn by surprise. She didn't expect the girl to suffer from something similar as she does: A missing parent.

„You never met him?" she asks. „My parents separated when I was half a year old. I'm living with my mom ever since. She is amazing, really. I love her from the bottom of my heart and she taught me so much. How to be my own person, not to depend on other people and stuff like that." Isabella explains sadly but Caitlyn admires how she talks about her mom. „Are you doing these cliched mother daughter things with her? Going shopping, getting your nails done, having lunch on Saturdays..." Cat asks excited and takes a sip of her drink while counting the mom-clichés on her fingers.

„I'm pouring my heart out in front of you and that's the first thing you ask?" Isabella laughs.

„I never had a mom to go shopping with." the Specter twin responds, biting her bottom lip and avoids the other girl's gaze. „Seems like both of us are missing a piece." Isabella says looking out of the window. No one speaks for the next few minutes. Both silent and not willing to look at each other because the topic is too intimate. Something they rarely address while being with their respective parent, let alone their friends. „This conversation is taking a way too sentimental turn, Isabella." Caitlyn breathes annoyed but Isabella decided for this topic not to be over yet. „When did your parents separate?" she asks. „When I was 6 months old. That's all my dad ever told me. Followed by him saying _„Stop asking Cat, today is not the day."_ she answers while rolling her eyes. „Ohh, my mom is really good at saying that too." Bella whines. Their longing to know who or where their second parent is rose by age and for some reason neither of their parents were ever willing to talk about it.

„I always hoped for him telling me when I turn 18. Maybe he thinks I'm old enough then to face whatever truth there is." the Specter twin confesses. It may have sounded stupid but Bella is in almost the same situation so she just goes ahead and finally talks to someone about it. „If my mom had thought like that then December 30th 2022 would change my life." Isabella thinks and takes a sip of her drink. She never tried it before and it tastes amazing. But before she can tell the other girl how excellent her taste is she sees Caitlyn looking at her stunned, almost spilling her beverage. „Wait, what did you just say?" Cat chokes on her drink. „Ohh, I'm turning 18 on December 30th 2022." Isabella explains. „Me too." the other redhead whispers after a few seconds. „Ohh, now that's funny." Isabella laughs. It is like that girl got to know more about her than anyone else within the last 48 hours and now they share a birthday, it's almost like they are _soulmates_.

„Isabella." Cat says serious, still being in some kind of trance. „What." Isabella asks, knowing her laughter apparently doesn't fit the situation. „We share a birthday. Your mom left your dad when you were 6 months old, my mom left when I was 6 months old." Cat states and leans forward. Not really talking to Isabella but more to herself she continues. „Jessica is my dad's best friend, more like his sister and she is not my godmother but yours. Rachel is mine and I always wondered about that." she starts talking faster, throwing names of people out here that not even belong to whatever situation they found themselves being in, but Isabella gets it instantly. „Wait, you know Rachel? Rachel Zane?" Now it is getting a little bit crazy. They both know Jessica. They both never met the other half of their parents. They share a birthday. And now Cat says her godmother is Bella's mom's best friend.

„Hold on for a second." Cat shuts her up harsher than intended but she is currently finding hidden pieces for their puzzle that had been there all along. They just never saw them. „You used to live in New York. I only have a dad and you only have a mom. You have those to moles above your eyebrows and an exceptional gift when it comes to law. Both of these things are screaming for my dad. You told me over and over again that I sound like your mom, oh my god." she whispers, holding one hand in front of her mouth to look at Isabella with glassy eyes.

„English, Caitlyn." Bella begs, not really knowing what Cat just discovered. „How can you be so great when it comes to law and not get it?" Caitlyn whines and pulls her phone out of her bag. She waves Bella in her direction and moves to the far end side of her armchair. Isabella sits down next to her and Cat holds her phone in front of them so they see themselves in her camera. „Look at my hair." she says after taking a photo. „Now look at your hair." she holds the selfie in front of Bella.

„Oh my god."

**Starbucks on 599 Lexington Avenue – Manhattan, NY**

_Same time. _

_Two different states. _

_Same coffee._

The lawyer makes his way out of the big glass building in Manhattan's high society district to get a coffee. This is kind of his first meal today and also the first time he can actually breathe, With his daughter being in Chicago, his schedule changed a little bit and unfortunately the parent duties were replaced by tons of work. He is just about to walk into Starbucks, holding the door open for a woman when he feels his phone vibrate in his jacket. His breath hitches when the name of the caller is shown.

_15 years later and that woman still gives you chills, man…_

„You didn't call. You didn't call once in over a decade. And now your name is showing up on my display twice within a week." he states before even letting Donna speak. „Maybe we should start facetiming since we are in touch _that _often recently. She wasn't prepared for saying this but she can't help it. This is what he makes her feel like. Funny, sassy, trying out unforbidden territory. „Donna." he warns. This just sounded so naturally and way too familiar. They can't venture _there_. Because he sure as hell would and if this conversation continues like this, there is a high chance that he, 40 years old, would suffer from a mental breakdown in public. "_That's embarrassing, dad" would Cat say now. _

„I'm sorry if I'm interrupting. Are you still in Miami?" she asks, back to their normal seriousness. „No, I'm about to walk into Starbucks on Lexington now." „Ohh..." she responds slowly.

„_Honey, wait a second."_

„_Why does it say Caitlyn on your cup."_

"_That's funny, she ordered the same thing like we did."_

"_I think we accidentally switched orders with another girl at the counter. Look your cup says Donna and mine says-„_

„_Isabella."_

„_No, just Bella."_

„_Final boarding call for flight DL 2756 to Miami." _

_The fact that it says Caitlyn where it should say Bella on the Pink Drink is one thing but her cup saying Harvey where it should say Donna made her feel nauseous._

"_We ask passengers Harvey and Caitlyn Specter to come to gate B26 immediately." _

_Maybe Caitlyn's name isn't as unique as they thought._

„_Mom, are you okay? You just smashed your phone screen."_

_Stop pretending it's not them. _

„What?" Harvey asks and pulls Donna out of the little flashback she just had. She is shaking right now, goosebumps running up and down her arms. „I'm just surprised you still go there so much." she answers like nothing happened, always the actress. „Donna. This has been my favourite place to get a coffee since I can remember." he laughs and doesn't really buy what she is saying. He knows there is more to come. She may be good at reading people but _he_ has always been good at reading _her._

When they delved too deep into that uncomfortable silence Donna thinks _screw it_. „The Starbucks at JFK had the pleasure of your company as well last week, hadn't it?" she states but he doesn't get the message. „Donna why are you calling me? We barely talked in over 15 years and now you're asking me when I got my last coffee? And how do you know that anyway?" he asks. „Oh my god how can you be such a great lawyer and not get it!" she says louder than intended. He furrows his brows and thinks back to the time Cat and him almost missed their flight to Miami because he wanted them to get a Starbucks first. Does Donna know about their little incident? Oh my god how does this make him look like? Maybe like the most unorganized parent of the year. But who told her-

„We almost met at JFK airport!" Donna almost swallows on these words and stops caring if she is crying or not now, because she is. 10 years back and she wouldn't even tell him that, not willing to talk to him at all and just goes on pretending all of this never happened. And then Isabella has to draw a family tree in Kindergarten and she would feel all the guilt crashing back at her. So no, she won't shut up about anything anymore. "What?" is all Harvey responds. "Bella and I visited my parents and our connecting flight at JFK got cancelled on our way back home. Our layover was longer then and we went to Starbucks. I not only held a drink with your name in my hand but Isabella's drink said the name of her sister!" she cries.

"Oh my god that's is why I had your beverage…" the lawyer murmurs, thinking back to that day. Reading their names never failed to give him goosebumps but he could not go crazy about something that wasn't confirmed. "And on top of that were Caitlyn and you late for your boarding so they made an announcement. I think you can imagine how I felt in these seconds where I realized what just happened." She adds and he closes his eyes, picturing her on the verge of cardiac arrest while his other daughter is totally clueless. „Not only placed our daughters their orders next to each other but there was only a wall separating our family!" Donna really tried to keep it together but all she does is screaming into her phone right now. She is not mad at Harvey, how should he know, but mad at herself for not doing something about their situation earlier. „We always knew that there is going to be a point where we can't keep them from each other anymore." she whispers, knowing Harvey needs some time to think about what they just discovered. „I know... I just can't see how we are supposed to solve that." he breathes, not saying he was suppressing that tear to escape his eye. But also not not saying that. „Remember when we almost met at the firm when the girls just turned 5? We had to run! I had to lie to my daughter and run! Like we were on the lam. And why? Because her dad and her sister were literally two meters away from us. They would not have known what's going on or who they just met. Believe me, they were not the problem but we were. I couldn't face you. I wasn't able to face you and my daughter I haven't seen in 8 years and then turn around and leave." she gives him a flashback of one of the hardest days he had in all those years of separation. And it still gets to him like nothing else.

„Donna..." he starts. „Maybe that was the sign. That might had been the day where we were meant to tell them, let them see each other but we screwed up. We lost that chance." she says.

„And now you think that the airport gave us the second chance last week." he finishes her thoughts, just like they always did.

_If only they knew god was having another meeting for them in stock which took place in that exact moment._

„How do you want to handle this? They can't just switch places or something." Harvey says, leaning his head against the brick wall he is standing in front of. He is a lawyer. It's his Job to find a way. Unfortunately he is an expert at finding ways _out_ but in law school no one tells you how to find a way _inside_ again. „Are you afraid Caitlyn wouldn't want to come back after a week with me in LA?" she jokes, lighting up the situation like she always does. „Believe me, she wouldn't. Finally someone who goes shopping with her and has these mother daughter talks about boys I immediately want to punch in the face." he laughs out loud. It could have easily been more than fifteen years since he last laughed like this. „And Isabella would move into your office and live there between your files. She would beg you to skip school so she can go to court with you and you would give in because she has you wrapped around her tiny finger ever since she was born." Donna states giggling and earns herself a groan from Harvey. Maybe that is what they are for each other. A happy place. The only one that can make them feel like that. Safe and included. They never were happy with someone else again. Two attractive people felt like they walked this earth alone. They were lines of applicants waiting to be given a chance but at the end of the day no one could give them something close to what they had with each other. Donna and Harvey. That's what it has always been.

„Harvey." Donna whispers. She got the feeling that he has those thoughts too but they can't go there now. A casual phone call could make the air between them explode. „They deserve this. We always vowed to ourselves that our daughters will have the best life possible." she continues but was met with silence once again. „Isabella needs her dad."

They had everything. And they lost it. Harvey never really recovered from that loss and it took him years to wrap his head around the fact that his wife and his daughter are gone. He built up the life he and Caitlyn have on his own. He tinkered princess costumes, he baked muffins for the school parties and he buys tampons with a poker face every single month. Donna and him might have shared the happiest time of his life and lived in that bubble of joy for half his life but every rain starts with a few raindrops.

_And when it comes to Donna and Harvey it has never been about rain. It always was a thunderstorm._

„She does. Do you remember why Caitlyn and Isabella don't have both their parents? Because you let us down once before. What if we find a way to tell them and to handle this afterwards. What if Caitlyn meets her mom and feels like she is in a fairytale and you leave her afterwards. Again." he snaps. „This is not fair, how dare you say that I will turn my back on my family?" she shots back in disbelief. „I trusted you back then. I gave you half a year to figure things out and sort your life out while I was living like a single parent. You said you would fix this and yourself, but I ended up losing my wife and one of my daughters because I trusted you!" he cries. „I got my life in line and discovered motherhood the second you walked out of the door with Caitlyn." his allegations against her were justified and she knows it, but maybe this wasn't the best thing to respond to that after all...

"Ohh that's great. Unfortunately Cat never got to experience how great of a mother you are now." he says furious. "I'm sorry! What else am I supposed to say? Leaving you was by far the worst thing I have ever done and you know that! I was a trainwreck, Harvey. I was in a bad place after the twins were born and this doesn't get any better if your husband leaves out of the blue with one of your daughters." Donna cries, almost smashing the glass in her hands. She is so freaking tired of Harvey not being able to have one civilized conversation with her. He still seems to think that he is the only victim, the only one who suffered. They never talked after the break up, they knew how their children are doing but they never knew how the other kept up. And for her daughters' sake, if he wants her to wear her heart upon a sleeve and wants to see her bare then that's it. "I asked for recovery time and all you did was ignoring it." she bites her lip and tries not to cry. "Did you just say I ignored it? I'm sorry I was occupied with two newborns at that moment." He snaps back. It looks like there is no forgiveness here. Maybe that is how they will always be. Not Donna and Harvey anymore.

"If we keep on saying these terrible things to each other this will never work and Isabella will never know who her dad is. If we can't forgive each other 15 years later then we can try to be as perfect in parenthood as we want, it will never be enough. We keep from our children that they have an identical twin." And with that she ended the call and smashed her phone on the kitchen counter.

**The Langham Hotel – Chicago, Illinois **

Later that day Isabella packed her stuff and left her shitty roommate to find herself in bed next to her _sister._ It's still incredibly weird to say that. The twins were laying with their head facing the ceiling, the only light illuminated from Chicago's skyline shining through the window of their hotel room. „What's my mom's name?" Caitlyn whispers, not sure if Bella is already asleep. „Donna Paulsen. And my dad's name is Harvey, right?" she responds, not even thinking about going to sleep. Todays was huge and they don't really know how to handle all of this. They thought about going to Jessica with their prediction, but wanted to keept this to themselves for just a little bit longer. They are teenager twin girls after all.

„Did you google him?!" Cat asks confused and sits up in bed again to look at Bella. "No." she states innocent. "Okay fine, I did and we definitely won the genetic lottery." she screams sitting up as well. "Show me a picture of mom." Caitlyn whines. Isabella scrolls up and down her phone until she finds a picture of Donna and her having lunch. Her auburn locks cascade down her shoulders and she is clad in a blush pink blouse. She smiles into the camera and does something funny with her spoon while eating an acai bowl at some fancy restaurant.

"Oh my god she is beautiful and I know from whom we inherited our hair now. You got her smile though." she says stunned and can't stop adoring that picture. That's what she has been missing out all her life. As much as she loves her dad, you can't deny it. She missed out on it.

„Cat." Isabella senses the discomfort she must have put her sister into. She googled _Harvey Specter _and got some pictures of a handsome lawyer at some black tie event. But she just threw Caitlyn a natural picture of their daily life into her face. This is not how she wants to continue this. „What?" Cat asks. „I don't want to spend another day of my life without knowing my dad." Bella starts sniffing, the tears already shining in her eyes. „Are you saying what I think you're saying?" Cat asks and doesn't know if she should be happy or scared.

„We're identical twins, Cat. No one will ever notice if we switch places. As far as I'm concerned our parents really loved each other and I hope from the bottom of my heart that we're not the reason they broke up." Isabella explains herself and her crazy idea but she doesn't care how this sounds, she wants nothing more than to see what living with her dad is like. „And if we switch places they have to switch us back at some point." Cat gets it immediately and lights up the second Isabella nods. They fall into one of those irreplaceable sibling hugs they never had before in their life. „So are we doing this?" Bella asks pressed into her sister's shoulder. „You bet your ass we're doing this."

_**You and I redefine being lovesick, through it all you could still make my heart skip.**_

_**Even when you're yelling at me I still think you're beautiful.**_

_Flashback: June 12th 2005 _

**Upper East Side – Manhattan, NY**

_The young redhead made her way into the apartment as quite as possible. It was past midnight, the babies and Harvey should be asleep by now. She takes her heels of and tiptoes through the kitchen until she reaches their bedroom. She is faced by an empty bed and assumes Harvey must have fallen asleep on the couch in the twins' nursery. She takes off her dress and changes into some lingerie sleepwear before heading into the bathroom to brush her teeth. _

_She turns the lights off some minutes later to leave the bathroom and go to bed when she sees a figure standing on the far end of the bed. „How are things going with your „I have to fix myself" at the moment?" Harvey asks. No surprise he woke up, she was not being exactly quiet with her electrical toothbrush. He is holding one of the girl's on his arm and she tells herself no one could tell identical twins apart when they are babies and five meters away. _

„_Harvey I'm really tired and I just want to go to bed." she waves him off and makes her way to a shelf where she gets rid of her jewelry. „Ohh, then we probably won't meet again tonight because Caitlyn has fever and keeps waking Isabella up. So I'll be busy for the next 6 hours." he half jokes half scream-whispers in fury. „You know, I would scream at you right now, asking you where you have been for the past 3 days. But I don't want to take the first 5 minutes of sleep our sick daughter got in the past 8 hours from her." He mentions that their daughter is sick. She has to show any kind of reaction now, hasn't she? He senses she is not going to respond to that by the way she moves around the room, putting her clothes in the laundry basket. _

„_Where the hell have you been, Donna?" he screws safe territory now. She wasn't at home for 3 entire days. Not seeing her for that long is nothing new, she leaves before he gets up and returns when he is asleep. But he knows she has not even been home for the nights in 3 days. _

„_At Mike and Rachel's." she responds a little bit too fast. „That's funny because I was there yesterday to pick up a stuff animal I forgot there when Rachel was babysitting." he counters. _

_She doesn't say anything. She lied and he noticed, that's it. What else is there to say?_

„_Who are you and what happened to my wife?" Harvey screams, earning a sob from baby Caitlyn on his arm. „I'm still me. I'm the woman you married and I'm also the woman you met in that bar all those years ago!" she screams back, tears are streaming down her face now. She seems to be the cold hearted in that situation, the one who lets her family down when she really is not. „Then act like it! Act like you're my wife for once. I'm in this marriage with 90% while you're only giving 10%." but she doesn't respond to what he is saying. Again. Instead, she slips into their bed and turns around so her back is facing him. _

_Harvey lets a few seconds pass, giving her time for a possible answer but he is not surprised of her being completely silent. The whiny scream of baby Caitlyn, followed by a sobbing Isabella from the end of the hallway interrupts the tense silence in their bedroom. Two crying babies and no idea what to do first. That is Harvey's life. But he is tired. Just really tired. _

_He thinks about letting the now seemingly asleep Donna continue what she was doing, but his rational part decides to ask for a favour, that should not have to be called a favour. „Would you mind taking her for a second so I can take a shower? I haven't seen a shower from the inside for 5 days now." he almost pleads. „If she has fever maybe we should go see a doctor." is all Donna murmurs half asleep, not even turning around to face him. _

„_We saw a doctor yesterday but how would you know that..." Harvey is on the verge of losing it now. "If I get sick too I have to take next week off and it's incredible busy at the firm now, I can't miss out on anything." Donna says, kindly turning around to at least look at him this time. "Is that what I should say to her as well? Sorry honey, daddy doesn't want to get sick, you have to keep on crying?" Harvey screams. He did not want to go there again, their marriage suffered so much and shouting battles are not exactly what they need right now. But somehow they always end up here. Furious. Not willing to have one civilized conversation. Talking to Donna is like talking to a wall and he asks himself every single day when he lost her. _

_Suddenly, Donna makes her way out of their bed and grabs a jacket and one of Harvey's sweatpants from a chair. She heads straight into the direction of their bedroom door and was about to leave without so much as looking at him. And she would have left. Had it not been for Harvey's arm shutting the door right in front of her. "Ohh no. Don't think you can walk out on us again. Just like that." he says. "I needed some space!" she shouts back. "So you had to distance yourself from your family whom you never spent time with in the first place?" his fury rose beyond imagination now, not willing to believe what she just said. "Stop taking the words out of my mouth and twisting them the next second." Donna whines taking a few steps back to sit down on the edge of the bed, burying her face in her hands. _

"_If you excuse me now, I have to soothe a crying baby and keep her sister distracted. I might as well have to take them for a walk in the middle of the night. I hope you sleep well." he is past the 'feeling guilty and apologizing to her' thing now. It hurts him and takes every nerve in his body not to take her in his arms now and tell her he is sorry. But that is not them anymore. And if he continues placing commas where things should have long ended by now, they will never get back what they once had. _

„_If you are that unhappy with our marriage why the hell are you still here?" he hears her whisper from behind when he was about to leave the room. He turns around again, looking at her red rimmed eyes and then at the baby in his arm. „You ask me why I'm still here?" he speaks. „Because I love you more than life itself. Because I would give up everything for you. And because we have two daughters who will need make up tips one day. I may be better off without you sometimes because all I have been doing is trying to wrap my head around your behaviour and how I could fix this! Fix you. But I don't want to be the one telling the girls in 10 years that I left their mom because I didn't fight enough. I still have faith in this." he declares from the bottom of his heart. He could never stop loving that woman in front of him. They are just going to a really tough time at the woman, he tell himself. Maybe they would get their happiness back one day. But it always takes two people and he is not sure he can fight for both of them. _

„_In us."_

_**I'm loving the pain. I never want to live without it. So why do I try? You drive me insane, now we're screaming just to see who's louder.**_


	5. how soon do we forget how we felt?

_A/N: I didn't expect to update that story so soon, but here I am with a 10k words chapter haha. I really like where it's heading at the moment and I know that all of you were so excited for the twins to switch. Due to Caitlyn and Isabella changing roles in that chapter there will be lots of location changes for every scene so I tried to label them with the respective location the scene takes place in. _

_You may or may not will be reading a very heartbreaking break up flashback in that chapter. _

_Thanks again for reading and I always love to receive some reviews!_

_-Angelina aka. mrandmrsspecter on Twitter _

**CHAPTER 5 - how soon do we forget how we felt?**

_**How soon do we forget, how we felt? Dealing with emotions, that never left.**_

_**Playing with the hand that we were dealt, in this game. **_

_**Maybe I'm the sinner and you're the saint. Got to stop pretending, what we aren't.  
**__**Why we pointing fingers, anyway? When we're the same**__._

_5 weeks later - August 24th 2020_

_**The Langham Hotel – Chicago, Illinois **_

Weeks passed by since the twins decided that they will make this huge experiment. Some days were bad, some days were good. Doubts made themselves present, especially when it came to Caitlyn. She was the rational twin. The responsible one who would never break a rule. In comparison to her, Isabella was the reckless one. In the beginning she was beyond excitement and wouldn't shut up about it for hours. One time, she almost told Jessica about their plan but Caitlyn was there to prevent it. But even the adventurous twin had her downs. Days where they wanted to cancel everything and just go back to their respective parent as soon as the camp ended. A story about her mom or some family pictures later they were both determined to do it again. This has been their life for 15 years now and they never had a chance to change something about it. God wanted them to meet here and this is their chance now.

The twins are sitting on the edge of the hotel bed after finishing their suitcases and hand luggage. They will take the other's luggage, including their clothes and shoes, so their parents won't notice it right away. The only thing left to switch is their identity. „Here is my passport, my boarding pass and my phone. It won't be difficult to pretend to be me because we look exactly the same. Your flight leaves at 1:10pm from Chicago O'Hare, it's DL 399 to LaGuardia. Dad will pick you up at the airport, just text him if you're running late, okay? Give him a hug from me." Caitlyn says and hands her sister her possessions over with a shaking hand. Mentioning her dad made her eyes look glassy and she knows a few tears are going to cascade down her cheeks any second. „Cat, come here." Isabella says and puts the documents down to pull her sister in for a long and tight hug. „I'm so looking forward to seeing mom but I already miss him." Cat sobs into her shoulder. Being the more sensitive twin might be embarrassing sometimes, but Bella makes her feel safe and comfortable instantly. „Same thing over here." the Paulsen-twin whispers. She pulls back and takes a look into her sister's passport. „Your middle name is Lily?" she asks. „That's grandma's name. Don't mention her while dad is around, I told you the story." Cat warns and stands up again to tie her shoes. "Her name was Lily? I already forgot about that. Can we do a quick people check again?" Bella panics and looks desperate at Cat who is sitting on the carpet now. "Again?" Cat whines but can tell by Bella's insisted expression that she has to.

"Alright. Jessica?" Cat starts. "Easy. Jessica Pearson, Managing partner at Pearson Specter Litt, knows your dad ever since he started working there and paid for his Harvard degree. She is like a sister to dad but he would never admit that and she is in a relationship with Jeff." Isabella responds casually from the bed. "Mike?" the specter-twin chooses next while making a bee line to the bathroom. "Mike Ross, Junior partner at PSL and dad's best friend. He didn't went to Harvard, has a photographic memory and is my godfather. Ohh, and there was something about a prison and he is married to Rachel, of course." Bella answers correctly. "Louis?" Cat shouts from the bathroom with a toothbrush in her mouth. "Louis Litt, your godfather and seems to be something between crazy, weird and very loving. He is engaged to… Shayla and they want a baby." She stutters uncertain. "Sheila." Cat corrects and earns a moan from her sister. "Ohh, this is so hard." She whines. "You got this, come on." Cat says and tries to give her more confidence.

They talked this through. At least a hundred times in the past weeks. They drew pictures of their apartments, told them everything about Donna and Harvey each and made a huge family tree, just like a map of their favourite spots in their hometowns. They know each other's life by heart now and will live and breathe like they are the other part of their heart from now on.

"Marcus Specter, younger than dad, married to Katie, their children are called Hailey and Jack…" Cat hears Isabella whisper to herself when she comes out of the bathroom.

"You know I can hear you, right?" she says. "When is dad's birthday again?" Bella asks like she is having a meltdown any minute. "January 22nd, Isabella breathe." Cat calms her down and sits down with her on the bed again to take both her hands in her own. They breathe in sync a few times before Bella opens her eyes again and pulls something out of her bag pack.

„Alright… that's my passport, here is the boarding pass and my phone." she says and hands them over to her sister. „AA 1384 to Los Angeles. Leaves at 11:10am so you better hurry up. Give mom a hug from me." she adds while Caitlyn heads to the other side of the room to put it in her bag. With tears in her eyes she turns around again and puts her jacket on before pulling her sister in for a hug. Again. „I love you, Isabella." she sobs again. „I love you too." Bella smiles. One has to be the tough and positive one, right?

**LAX International Airport – Los Angeles, California **

„Oh my god, hey." Donna screams excited as she embraces the other woman in a tight hug.

„I have missed you so much, I don't think you understand how much." Rachel whines into her best friend's shoulder. Ever since Donna left New York, Rachel made it a priority to see her regularly. Due to Donna not setting a foot onto Manhattan's streets anymore, she is always the one flying across the country to see her better half. When Mike started working for Harvey, she started to get to know the lawyer's wife better and better until Mike and Rachel got together as well. Since that day, it has always been the four of them.

„Same thing." Donna says, freeing herself from the hug again to do what she always does first thing as soon as Rachel visits her: „How is my little Baby?" she asks with tears in her eyes.

„Your little baby is almost as tall as I am." Rachel jokes to light up the mood. Every time she is here, Caitlyn is all they talk about when Isabella is not around. Donna always wants to know every little detail, sometimes even things the brunet can't know. One time, the redhead asked her which colour Cat's current toothbrush has…

„She is doing great. Amazing in school, always dressed up on point and drives her dad insane with her girl's sleepover parties." she adds and earns a laugh from her friend who is busy wiping a few tears from her cheeks. „That's my girl." she smiles proudly. „Haven't seen her much lately though. I think she gets a little bit tired of always being in between those workaholic lawyers all the time." Rachel mentions when they start leaving the arrival hall and walk towards the exit. „Where is Belle? Does she have school? On a Saturday?" she asks confused while realizing the girl has summer holidays. „You still call her that?" is all Donna responds because Rachel seemed to notice the absurdity of her question. Ever since the twins were born, her best friend calls Isabella by the name Belle, just like the Disney princess. That's what she says, but Donna knows it's about Rachel having rooted for her and Harvey to name one of the twins Elle. She loved that name back then and was somehow disappointed they didn't choose it. When Isabella was born, Rach just added a B to Elle and made Disney responsible, that's Donna's theory. „Always my little princess." she defends and gets a knowing smile as her friend's response. „She comes back from Chicago in a few hours. The yearly law camp for teens took place there and it's her favourite part of the year." Donna explains while opening the trunk of her white Range Rover to put Rachel´s suitcase in there.

„She got the right genes here..." the brunet observes. „Sorry." she apologizes instantly. They don't talk about _him_. They just don't do it.

„No, it's fine. It's true though. And he is not really forbidden territory. Actually, I just talked to him over the phone about a month ago." the redhead mentions casually while settling into the driver's seat. „Oh my god, are you kidding?" Rachel squeals in shock. They not only don't talk about _him, they_ also don't talk to each other. „No, I'm not. But maybe your excitement ventures in a forbidden direction right now. It's right in front of the corner of I-am-rooting-for-Donna-and-Harvey-to-get-together-again." Donna warns while fastening her seat belt and shoots Rachel an alerting look. „It's that obvious?" she bites her lip. „Come on, let's spend a nice girl's day until we have to pick Isabella up from the airport." Donna waves it off and drives the car out of the parking space. They are not here to talk about _him_. They never are.

—

**LGA LaGuardia Airport – New York City, NY**

Sitting next to the window, the stunning concrete jungle of the city that never sleeps comes into the redhead's view. She always dreamed of going here one day. Except for a few layovers at the airport on their way to her grandparents in Cortland, she never was anywhere near the Big Apple. Seeing the skyline of so many movies and commercials in front of her was overwhelming and made her realize that this was the life she missed out on. She pictures her parents being happily married, young and in love, strolling with their children through the streets of New York City. Maybe people are right when they say nothing compares.

She leans back and tries to relax for a few more seconds before the plane finished it's landing approach. After passing the huge glass pannels of the airport, she goes straight to the baggage claim to get Cat's suitcase and heads out into the arrivals area. „Cat." she hears a voice shouting from behind. Isabella takes a few more steps before coming to a halt to look for her dad. „Caitlyn." she hears again.

_Oh my god. That's me. _

She turns around and there he is. The man from Google. Except that he was a thousand times more real. The suits were gone and exchanged with grey jeans and a casual white dress shirt paired with sneakers. He holds a sign in his hand that says "Welcome back, princess". Chocolate brown eyes met hazel ones and for the first time in her life Isabella Paulsen ran into the arms of her dad. „Dad!" she squeals. Harvey noticed how soft sobs arrived in his strong arms a few seconds later. „Hey, didn't expect you to miss me that much." he says and couldn't hide that Cheshire Cat grin of his. „I just really felt like I wanted to come home and hug you. And now I am." Bella half sobs half laughs. You don't get homesick when you are 15 years old and now here she is, telling her dad how much she missed him. If only he knew her tears were for the past 15 years, not just for 6 weeks.

„Jessica told me you were great in law camp." he stated after taking his daughter's suitcase.

„I was indeed. I killed mock trial a few times, solved the Moon vs. State of Texas case hours before anyone else had a clue what they were doing, always accompanied Aunt Jessica to court and never went to bed before a case was solved!" Bella explains overly excited when they start their way to the exit. „Wow, sounds just like my daughter. I'm so proud of you." Harvey says and for a short second Bella thinks she might pass out. That's all she ever wanted to hear and at some point, she really stopped believing this would ever happen. „I can't wait for next year, honestly." she smiles. „Come on, let's go home." he says as Ray, who must be her dad's driver and good friend just like her sister taught her, opens the car door for them.

„Dad?" Bella asks while they settle into the back of the black Lexus. Just that one word is incredibly weird to say, but she could say it over and over again. „Yeah, honey?" he reacts.

„You smell good, which perfume are you wearing?" Bella sniffs and shifts a little bit closer to his shirt. „Uhm, some Hermès Male thing I guess? Why do you ask." he wonders and furrows his brows. „The scent is just oddly familiar to me." she observes and tries to remember where she smelled it before. It's beyond familiarity, like she smells that scent every day, but that's impossible.

_Really? Your mom uses the female version ever since we met. But how should you know…_

**Rodeo Drive – Los Angeles, California**

The girls stroll up and down Los Angeles most famous shopping area with one or two (or five) bags dangling over their forearms. " I know you love LA." Rachel start, taking a sip of her drink. "I do?" Donna half states half asks because she doesn't really know where this is supposed to go. "But you have to admit one thing." Rachel continues. "And what exactly is that?" the redhead asks curious. "This right here is not Fifth Avenue." Rachel finally says and comes to a halt to face her best friend. "Ohh come one, Rach. It's not that bad." Donna replies immediately. Fifth Avenue was their thing and she knows it. Uncountable lunch hours, afternoons and pre-party days were spent there and the street provided the girls time they needed when Mike and Harvey were off to watch a baseball game. "Yeah. it is" Rachel shots back. "Alexander McQueen is right in front of you." Donna snaps because she senses there is something more to come.

"This is not about some stores." Rachel swallows the lump that formed in her throat and started walking ahead of Donna. This was a sensitive topic and she knows it. Her friend reacted harsher than expected before the conversation actually started. Even if they had a beautiful day today, it will never be the same. "Then what is this about Rachel? We can go shopping everywhere in the world. Is this about you attempting to bring me back to the place all of you call _"home" _? Because this is not my home anymore and neither is it Isabella's. So tell me the difference, Rachel." She hears Donna shouting furiously from behind. "The difference is that Lexington Avenue is right around the corner. Just like 72nd Street, the place where you lived and where we used to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas. That we celebrated my wedding at the Plaza Hotel, without you. That we went baby shopping every single afternoon at _Saks_. Not some _Saks off Fifth_. That I took walks with both your daughters across the street in Central Park. That Mike and I had to visit every single primary school in Upstate Manhattan as soon as Harvey and you found out you were expecting twins because you were over excited. All of this happened within a few streets! And you keep on pretending you don't even know this place. You are a New Yorker, Donna. You will always be." Rachel observes stepping closer and closer again. Wearing her heart upon a sleeve, she tells her friend about everything that has been driving her crazy for the past years. She finally starts addressing everything she never said. "What do you want me to say?" Donna snaps.

"This might be a place where horrible things happened. And you were right to go. I don't want to make you feel like you have to regret that decision. Never. But please, never make me feel bad about trying to bring some of these memories back. Don't shut me out. Harvey might has lost his wife and Cat her mom, but I lost my best friend. Look at us. We practically grew up there, and you're right, it hurt us in ways we'll probably never get over. But we have a lot of other memories too. This is the place where we fell in love. The place where we found our family. You, Me, Harvey, Mike, Jessica, Louis, Caitlyn, Isabella. This is where we learned to be lawyers. Where we learned how to take responsibility for someone else's life. Where you learned to be a wife and a mother." Rachel explains, trying to choose her words carefully. She would never want to hurt Donna and she should not take this offensive, but as her best friend, someone had to say it. For once. How those felt that were left behind. And especially, that New York City is not the worst place on the planet.

Sensing she won't get a response, she continues: "And it's the place where I met you. So I figure this place has given us as much as it's taken away from us. We've lived there as much as we've survived here. It just depends on how you look at it." seeing a few tears rolling down her friend's cheek almost broke the lawyers heart but this is not even about Harvey or her children anymore. This is also about their friendship and seeing how Donna tried to shut her out over and over again just hurt as much. "You didn't just forget how you feel about Harvey, you forgot who he is, who Mike is and sometimes I feel like you tried to forget about me as well, hadn't it been for me always trying to stay in touch with you." She declares. "You still have that family on the other side of the country. And if you choose to reject it, then that's your choice. But Isabella did nothing wrong. She has a family on the other side of the country as well and you keep it from her."

"How soon did you forget how you've felt?" was the brunets final question. The walls Donna built up over the years that made her appear tough and invulnerable started to collapse because Rachel could tell by one look into the hazel eyes, that she didn't just forget how she felt. She is still that person, that New Yorker woman. Los Angeles is close to being her home, but it will never give her the safety her former hometown provided. Just like no man could ever give her what she and Harvey had. "I love you, Donna. But it had to be said." and with these words the two crying women fell into a hug in the middle of the street, having their moment, addressing a topic they avoided for too long and not caring about how that must have looked like.

**Midtown – Manhattan, NY**

„Hey Cat, I forgot some files at the firm so I have to go back there of a quick to pick them up but for the rest of the evening I'm all yours and you can tell me every little detail about the trip, alright?" Harvey mentions while they are on their way back from the airport. Ever since they started the ride, Isabella didn't once avert her gaze from the windows, being stunned by their surroundings. To Harvey's surprise, because it's where they live and she sees these streets every day. „Sounds good." Bella mumbles, not looking at him because she is busy counting all the yellow cabs passing them. "Should Ray bring you home first?" he asks and earns her attention with that. "What? No! Can I please come to the office with you?" she begs. She visits her mom's office regularly and gets along very well with all the co-workers. But Pearson Specter Litt is something else, it's her dad's work place and one of the biggest law firms in the country. That's the place Cat gets to see every single day, the place where she grew up. So of course Isabella wants to see it. "Uhm, sure. I just don't remember you being so keen on the office. What happened to _"I can't stand talking to all these lawyers who can start a debate about grocery shopping." _Weren't those your words?" Harvey jokes, remembering how his daughter usually prefers to stay home or visit their management area on the 48th floor.

"Well, grocery shopping seems like a pretty debatable topic to me. If you do it by yourself, when you do it, how often you do it, what you buy…-" Bella starts but her dad cuts her off.

"Is that what Jessica taught you in law camp?" he asks being taken aback by his daughter's sudden response about a debate. "Among other things.." Bella smiles sassy.

**LAX International Airport – Los Angeles, California **

As soon as the glass doors in front of her open she saw a stunning woman with her exact hair colour standing opposite of her. The auburn waves were in a ponytails on the back of her head and cascaded down the blouse she was wearing. "Mom!" she screams and lets her suitcase fall to the ground, running into the redhead's arms.

"Hey Baby. I'm so glad I have you back." Donna says hugging the girl tighter than ever before. After this heart breaking talk with Rachel, all she wanted was to have her daughter back and forget about all the bad things for only a second. Luckily, her daughter didn't seem to notice her red-rimmed eyes. And if she does, she might as well says it's because of their little reunion right here. "I'm so happy I'm home, you have no idea." Cat declares from the bottom of her heart, wiping the tears away on her mother's blouse. She smelled like her mom, she acted like her mom and she felt like her mom. This meeting is beyond anything Caitlyn ever imagined. "Wow, you look stunning, mom." The girl says while pulling back, but not letting go yet. "Well, uhm, thanks honey. Look who is here to see you." Donna stutters being caught off guard by her daughter's compliment. "Rachel, hey!" Caitlyn squeals, running to the lawyer. They always got along very well and Rachel is the one taking over when Harvey doesn't know what to do. He would never admit that, but having a teenage daughter can be hard sometimes. Especially when she doesn't have a mom. So when Caitlyn got her first period, wanted to wear Make-up to school and had _that_ talk, Rachel was here for all of it.

"Hey, princess." The brunet welcomes the redhead, embracing her in her arms.

"Is your hand bag from the new Chanel collection? Oh my god it's stunning! It is sold out everywhere." Cat observes stunned as soon as the three of them start heading towards the entrance. "Good eye, Belle. Mike got it for me for my birthday." Rachel explains. "How could I miss this oh my god, show me." Donna notices and takes a closer look at the bag. A beautiful white leather bag with golden details, her daughter was right. To her surprise. "I'm definitely going to borrow this. How does it come that you notice before I did, Bella?" she asks confused and turns around to face the girl. Usually, as soon as Donna raves about fashion, Bella runs for the hills. Not typical for a girl her age, but she doesn't spend much time thinking about clothes yet.

_Belle? Bella? Oh god, how many nicknames does this girl have. _

"We were planning on getting dinner at Tao together, so give me your suitcase, our car is outside." Donna lets her daughter in on their plans and the girl gang settles into the car.

**Pearson Specter Litt – Manhattan, NY**

Files in one hand and his daughter's bag pack in the other Harvey makes his way down the hallways of the 50th floor. He is really keen on going home now, have dinner and listen to his daughter talking about her adventures. For some reason they are walking extremely slow today due to the girl wanting to look in every single office. When a dimmed light comes into the lawyer's view, he gets curious and heads in the direction of the source of light.

"Hey Mike, what are you still doing here?" he asks confused when he stands on the threshold of his friend's office. Mike waves at Bella and greets her before saying: "I don't know, it's not like we have to present Mr. Bradshaw in court tomorrow and still got exactly… nothing." He whines, his head falling next to the thousand files on his desk. "Chill out, Batman. I'm taking these files home tonight and will find something." He holds the documents up and puts a smug Harvey Specter grin on.

"What does Rachel say about you still being here?" he suddenly asks when he was just about to leave. The Ross/Zane couple consist of workaholics, both of them never leaving the office before 10, but on Saturdays Rachel usually convinces him to go home earlier and have dinner together. "I think she doesn't even know what time it is here in New York. She flew to LA this morning. Taking some girl's time with…" he trails of, knowing he can't say with whom his wife is spending time right now. Not because her daughter is around, but because this name doesn't get mentioned at the firm. Rachel flies there at least once a month, it's insane what she does to keep this friendship upright. "I know" Harvey responds, shooting Mike a look that says he should leave it.

_Oh my god, Rachel is in LA. I have to tell Cat about that later. _

Their second attempt to leave got interrupted by the redhead asking him a question. "What is the case about, dad?" Bella wonders curiously. She looks at her dad and waits expectantly for an answer but he doesn't seem like he wanted that office talk to continue. "One of our clients asked us for a personal favour. We gave in because he has a wife and two daughters. They get charged with far too much money for the apartment he rented. Extra fees every month without a reason, just because our client did some constructional changes right after moving in without checking it with the landlord first. That man is horrible, has connections to every retail business in Manhattan and a very consistent _female_ lawyer." Mike starts but gets interrupted by his best friend with a typical parenthesis "Whom Mike is very scared of…" Harvey cuts him off and jokes. "I'm not." Mike shots back seriously and Isabella chuckles.

"However." He waves it off and sits back down on his chair to work through a few more files.

Suddenly, Isabella has an idea. "Is there a jury in court?" she asks. "Uhm, yes there is gonna be a-" Mike starts but gets cut off again. "Just pull the husband-wanted-to-make-his-wife-happy-number." Bella interrupts casually and shrugs her shoulders. "The what?" both men ask in unison. "Oh gosh." The 15 year old says and closes her eyes for a second, losing the believe that these two actually have a wife each. Or had, better to say.

"What did he build in the apartment?" she asks. "An extra bathroom and one huge room adjusted to the bedroom." Her dad responds after taking a quick look into the files. "That's a dream. A walk-in closet to make his wife happy and doesn't have to look for a bigger apartment next year because his wife is always buying too many clothes, plus a second bathroom so the girls can have their own one when they are older because they are planning to live there for a really long time. The jury will be like _"Oh my God there is no way they can charge that gorgeous man with a fine, he is a keeper and loves is family."_ Bella explains enthusiastically and earns two dump found gazes from the man. "And besides that, Mike's enemy the very scary _female _lawyer will suddenly see everything she is looking for in that man and will let you win so she can start dating someone again and have a family on her own." She continues and claps her hands after putting on that famous Specter grin of hers mixed with her mom's confidence.

"How did you come up with that in two minutes while I'm here for approximately 16 hours?" Mike starts perplexed. "You said that man's last name is Bradshaw. Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City got a walk-in closet from her husband as well." Bella answers like it's the most normal thing in the world. "You watched that movie?" Harvey turns dazedly to his daughter. "Oh my god and she will finally back down because there is more to life that being the savage lawyer everyone is afraid of." Mike cheers and starts running around his rather small office in excitement. "My one, when all is said and done you'll believe God is a woman." The 15 year old sasses, her mother's genes making themselves present. "Whom did she quote now?" Mike asks even more confused while coming to a halt. "Ariana Grande. You learn these things when your daughter holds a 20-girls-sleepover-party every weekend." Harvey answers instead while shaking his head but he can't hide how proud he is.

**Tao Los Angeles – Hollywood, California**

"How was the camp, you barely talked about it since your arrival. I'm used to you not talking about anything but these 6 weeks for the next year until you can attend again." Donna asks her daughter after the three girls settled into the dimly lighted Asian restaurant and got their menus. Usually, after Bella gets back from an event like this, she tells Donna every single detail about every case they got, how good her competitors were and how successful the redhead actually ended up being. "Ohh, yes, well, it was a pretty cool time, I made many friends and got to watch many different lawyers in court." Cat explains casually while looking through the menu, the Hong Kong noodles catching her eye. "You made friends?" Donna asks stunned and knits her eyebrows. Making friends has never been exactly the reason why Bella attended these camps.

_Think. Like. Isabella. She. Doesn't. Make. Friends. You. Idiot. _

"I was just being nice. We were competitiors after all but I didn't want to ruin the vibe." Cat stumbles over her words while trying to find a way out. Luckily, Rachel gives her a way out because she senses some discomfort in the girl's response. "I might as well apply for being the camp leader next year." The lawyer suggests excited. "I think you would do a great job!" Cat replies immediately. "And Bella will sure as hell be part of it again, right?" Donna smiles at her daughter. "We'll see." she shrugs, taking a sip of her drink.

"Your mom and I went shopping today and she introduced me to Rodeo drive." Rachel says when she feels like they should end the law camp topic now. Shopping isn't the best card you can pull in Bella's presence, but she tries it anyway. "We did, but-" Donna starts, wanting to tell Rachel it's not exactly her daughter's favourite place to be but she gets cut off by said person. "Oh my god, did you got to Tifanny's? I mean how could you not… The only thing that does good is to jump in a cab and go to Tifanny's. Calms me down right away. The quietness and the proud look of it, nothing very bad can happen to you there." Caitlyn raves and gets carried away in her glamorous jewelry world for a second. She didn't mean to mention something her sister would never talk about, because she tries really hard to behave like the other half of her. But at the end of the day, she just met her. And Breakfast at Tiffany's has been her favourite movie ever since she can remember and she lives by the lines of this movie. When she doesn't feel well or someone was being mean to her, she always makes a short bee line to look through the shop windows.

"Did you just quote Audrey Hepburn?" Rachel wonders, recalling the old iconic movie.

"Of course, the best movie to ever exist. Mom, what did you want to say?" she asks, turning to her mom after remembering she interrupted her. "I wanted to say it's not really Bella's favourite spot in the city, but sit seems like I got that wrong for the past 10 years. Just like I thought Breakfast at Tiffany's bored you…" she shrugs, noticing her daughter's weird behavior.

_Think, Caitlyn, think. _

"It did. And I like How to get away with Murder and Law and Order way better. Just couldn't quote anyone else when we were talking about shopping." she improvises. And if it wasn't for her dad, she wouldn't even know about these shows, so she kind of served with her spontaneous answer.

_Quoting movies… that girl really is her dad's daughter and her sister's twin, Rachel thinks. _

"Donna, did I tell you that Mike's sister is having a baby? I will throw her Baby Shower party next month." Rachel mentions, getting everyone's attention. Mike's sister Lauren always got along very well with Donna because they work in the same business and love Shakespeare. She dropped the bomb at Rachel's birthday in June. The 15th birthday in a row Donna didn't attend.

_Just pretend you didn't know that already because you attended that party and Mike told dad instantly that he is going to be an uncle. It's best if you just keep your mouth shut for 2 minutes, Caitlyn. _

"Oh my god, no way. You have to send me some pictures of the venue as soon as you start organizing. I love these kind of things…" Donna says in adoration, being so happy for Lauren and her husband. "Well, I don't even know where the party is going to be held yet." Rachel whines. She was very willingly and excited when Lauren asked her to throw the party, but truth be told, she never did something like that before. "Maybe you could rent some nice beach house in East Hampton with a pool and a lovely garden area, so it can be held outside. And you can order all of these pink and blue decorations and, oh my god, do you know how amazing candy bars look for these occasions? Pink and blue cake pops, popcorn, cotton candy…" Caitlyn starts. And forgets to stop again. She enthusiastically explains all her ideas to Rachel, wishing she would have got the organization job. "Seems like you got a few of my genes in there, honey. When is the baby due?" Donna jokes.

"November 3rd." it echoes from both sides of the table. For a second, there is nothing but silence. Rachel looking at Donna, Donna looking at Caitlyn, Caitlyn avoiding everyone's gaze. Did she really just answer a question she can't know anything about because _she is not the twin living in New York. _"Or maybe December 3rd?" Caitlyn tries to save it. "Aren't Baby Showers around 2-3 months before the due date?" she stutters, trying to come up with a logical explanation. "Since when are you so keen on organizing events, going shopping, Audrey Hepburn... Did you secretly went to some girl´s camp with Beyoncé instead of a law camp with Jessica Pearson?" Donna jokes and luckily buys it, but her response is even worse. Caitlyn is being too much _Caitlyn _here. She really tries not to, but that's so god damn hard if you have conversations with the part of your parents who actually shares your interest. For the first time. In 15 years.

_Remember to be more careful otherwise you will blow the cover after only one day, Caitlyn._

**Pearson Specter Litt – Manhattan, NY **

The sun has already risen over the city that never sleeps as Harvey makes his way into the office. His daughter wanted to sleep in today, being exhausted from the trip yesterday. He bought her favourite breakfast essentials and told her he will go to work at 11. She can either invite one of her friends or follow him to the office later that day. He really missed their routine and looks forward to having a few days of dad-and-daughter quality time before school starts next week.

"Harvey." The lawyer hears echoing through his office and gets pulled out of his daydream. Turning around he realizes he didn't notice Mike sitting on his couch with one of his basketballs in hand. "What's wrong?" Harvey asks, having perceived the uncertain questioning and serious undertone in his name.

"Don't get this wrong, but what did that law camp do to Caitlyn?" Mike wonders, standing up to come face to face with the lawyer. Ever since their appearance yesterday, followed by the redhead's genius observation, he couldn't stop thinking about how different that was from her usual attitude. As soon as they start talking about a case, she makes a bee line to the bathroom. One time, she threatened Harvey not to attend their yearly Thanksgiving dinner at Jessica's because they were in the middle of a huge trial and she was afraid they would talk about nothing but that. "What do you mean?" the other lawyer responds confused, settling against the window shelf because the worried vibe in connection to his daughter gets him curious. "Did it never occur to you that she isn't the kid with that exceptional gift in the legal world? No offense, Harvey, you know I love her like my own daughter, but if you pay attention, she gets annoyed being around lawyers all the time and going to trial on daddy-daughter-days in school bores her to death. That's not really her thing." Mike starts explaining, walking up and down the corner office, telling his friend what's on his mind.

"Yeah, I noticed that." Harvey admits to Mike's surprise. Everyone was shocked when the 15 year old announced she would take part in the law camp this year and when people asked why, she just shrugged and said something like _"I'm my dad's daughter, how could I not?"._

It was very cute that she wanted to make her dad proud but Rachel once said, she is afraid of the girl never following her actual dreams because her life has a red carpet going through the legal world with her dad as her bodyguard. Mike never really felt like addressing the topic, he can't tell Harvey how to raise his child after all. They had a long and hard way getting here…

"And all of a sudden she solved that case within 2 minutes yesterday. We won in court today. Not because Caitlyn watched a movie or listens to a singer but because the rational part of her brain associated these things with a law related conclusion instantly. You know who else did that when they were younger?" the blonde starts and waits for Harvey to react. People are either born into the legal business or not. They become lawyers because they could never imagine doing anything else. "You, Me…" Harvey lists. "Rachel, Jessica, Louis." Mike continues, trying to show Harvey that only people who dreamed of being lawyers usually have these skills. Or if they have a photographic memory, of course. "Stop right there and don't compare my daughter to Louis." Harvey warns. "You know what I mean. " Mike responds serious.

After a few intense seconds passed and the air seems to get more and more tense by overthinking, Mike finally says. "I don't know… she just reminded me so much of Isabella yesterday, from what Rachel always tells me after visiting them." He is careful with choosing these words and especially with mentioning one of the two forbidden names. "Isabella already did multiple internships at law firms in LA and has the highest grade in Economy and Law. I guess my genes are living on the west coast… seems like Donna's genes are living on the east coast. I just don't know how to address it, I mean what am I supposed to say to Cat? _"I know you are more the managing-acting-always-creative kind of person, by the way, you got it from your mom."? _Harvey admits sadly, bringing not only one, but two forbidden people in these sentences.It's still incredibly hard for him to talk about this, you can see it by the way he averts his eyes and plays with his cufflinks. "I know that this, _she, _is something we don't address. But maybe we had that unspoken rule for too long." The only times _they _get verbally mentioned are two days in December. That's how it has always been.

On Donna's birthday Harvey usually gets drunk and allows himself to cry a few more tears than the year before. After burying himself into work that day, he always finds a way to keep Caitlyn distracted with something she loves doing like going to the cinema with her friends or going roller blading. He just can't get himself to face her that day. So December 6th is a disaster every single year and Harvey just tries to go on living for the next 24 days like nothing happened. Until December 30th. Luckily, Caitlyn loves parties and he can busy himself with organizing her birthday every single year for the whole December month. Meetings with decorators and event planners would end up leading to a gorgeous party with a different theme every year. Caitlyn always gets double the amount of candles she is supposed to get for the number of her age. When she turned five and started counting the candles, she asked her dad why there were 10 candles instead of 5.

_Because your sister turns five as well and gets her respective candles… so she can be a part of the party. _

"It was never a rule, you know. Not to talk about _her_. It was just that… Donna and I made that decision and I always told myself we made it so things don't get even worse. But what can be worse than having your family live on two opposite sides of the country?" he shakes his head and thinks about getting a glass of scotch at 12pm. That's how it always end up when someone starts addressing the Specter-Paulsen family. "That made things easier back then. For the whole secrecy thing, I mean. But after she left I couldn't bear going into a Starbucks Coffee for a whole year. I didn't dismantle Isabella's crib until Caitlyn got a new room. Donna's side of the closet is still empty, except for her wedding dress. I still wear this perfume because it used to be her favourite. I still see her face in every redhead I pass and hear her voice in every woman I talk to." He admits after turning around to look at the skyline of Manhattan. What used to be their home. Whether it's looking up from his desk because a glimpse of red hair caught his sight or bothering redheaded 5,7 feet tall women in the Starbucks line. She is there. She is everywhere. All the time. Every second of his life.

"Do you still love her?" Mike asks carefully, knowing he is venturing a very dangerous territory here, but to be honest, that's something he wanted to asks for the past 15 years and he senses that now is the time to do so. "Who says I stopped?"

_**Break up, make up - total waste of time.  
Can we please make up our mind and stop acting like we're blind?**_

_**You know, I'll be saving my love for you cause you're the best mistake I've ever made.**_

_**There's no pot of gold in the rainbows we chase but we hold on.**_

_Flashback: July 7th 2005 _

_**Upper East Side – Manhattan, NY **_

_The nursery. Not really a room Donna has spent a lot of time in. They decorated and painted it in the loveliest way possible during her pregnancy. Two white walls and two pastel pink one's framed all the white baby furniture. Two vintage cribs, a changing unit, a comfortable arm chair and a big fluffy carpet on the floor. Plus, you can't forget about the huge ass wardrobe Harvey constructed by himself with mirrored doors and an open space where adorable baby clothes hang. _

_She carries the baby onto the changing unit and places her down carefully, earning a yawn from her daughter. "Come on, Bella, I just have to change your diaper. Please help me out here, otherwise this is going to be very embarrassing. Can't be that bad, right? Daddy, Aunt Rachel and even Aunt Jessica always do-…"she speaks while undressing the baby and undoing the attachments of the diaper until- "Oh my god, Isabella." She sniffs, taking a step back. "What did you eat?" she asks while breathing through her mouth and closing her eyes. "How can such tiny humans poop like that?" she whines and takes a step towards her again to observe the baby finding this really funny. She quickly grabs a fresh diaper and puts it on with only a few wrong hand grips. She puts the girl's sleepwear on and takes her into her arms again. "Alright, there you go. Almost as complicated as the financial overview of a law firm." She whispers while the baby is busy biting into strands of her hair. _

_She lays her down into the crib and takes one last look at both the girl's before leaving the room. _

_When leaving the hallway, Harvey crosses her way on the way to the bedroom. "They are peacefully laying in their cribs. Freshly changed and already fast asleep. So much for your "You haven't put them to sleep in 6 months." She says sarcastically. "Donna, I…" he starts. _

"_Save it. I´m going to bed now." She cuts him off, holding a hand in front of her and ventures around him. "At 7pm?" he mocks. "Yes, Harvey. At 7pm, if you have a problem with the time I decide to need to rest, talk to the 15 hours I spent at the firm today." she says angrily and doesn't really hide her annoyance. In that second they hear small sobs coming from the speaker of the baby monitor in Harvey's hand. One look at her face and he immediately makes her way into the direction of the nursery. "I swear they were asleep!" he hears her screaming from behind. For once, she tried to do something the right away. Not for him, but for her children. And where does it end up? A thousand times worse. _

"_Hey, what keeps you up so late in the evening, princess?" Harvey whispers as he looks at a crying Isabella in the crib. "You don't know?" he keeps on talking to her while taking her on his arms."Ohh, I think I see the problem here." He looks confused after seeing what's laying in the crib. "Mommy accidently must have put the wrong stuff animal in your bed. Everyone knows that the sheep belongs to Caitlyn and the elephant to Isabella, right?" he asks, turning around to face said person. "I thought babies love all their stuff animals…" Donna snaps, crossing her arms in front of her. "That might be right, but usually every child has their favourite and usually, their parents know that." He snaps back, getting angry. _

"_Just like they can tell their twins apart." he says bewildered, his voice rising. "Bella is wearing the body that says "C" on her belly. You're lucky they don't know yet if you don't know who is who." He says angrily, putting the babies on the changer and starts taking their clothes off again after switching the stuff animals. "You're being ridiculous here, Harvey. No one can tell identical twin babies apart." She waves it off and earns a shout from her husband. „No, this is because you weren't there, Donna!" he says and turns around to face her, holding the twins with one hand securely on the tray. „You never were!" he cries. _

„_I wouldn't have agreed on me taking parental leave if I had known that you work 15 hours a day. You are never at home. You didn't hear either of the twins say their first words. You haven't put them to sleep once in 6 months. I got it after you gave birth. The doctor said it's post pregnancy depression. I took care of you and two newborns." he whines, wanting her to understand and asking her one last time to tell him what the hell is wrong. _

„_I was sick Harvey!" she cries back. „I never doubted that but it's 6 months later and you still don't care!" he snaps, trying to be empathetic, because he was. Harvey cooked for her, waited for her, called her, gave her space and time for herself and asked her how she was doing while taking care of two babies every single day. He really did everything to make this whole post-partum time more comfortable for her, but still, he can't fight for both of them. She has to want this as well. He has no energy left to be in this with all he's got while she seems to do nothing about it. „Care? Are you saying I don't care about my children?" Donna was speechless. She might not be here all the time, she might not be able to tell them apart but she loves these two little humans from the bottom of her heart and would do anything for the. _

„_Yes, because they don't even know who their mother is!" Harvey screams before turning around to pay attention to the now sobbing babies. He soothes them and switches their sleepwear. _

_When he comes out of the nursery again he closes the door and goes into their bedroom to see Donna laying on their bed. He takes a few steps towards it and sits on the edge of his side. Not facing her on purpose. He chooses his next words wisely because he might never be able to take them back again. But for the first time since he met the woman laying behind him, he feels like he is not himself anymore. She made him a better man, a husband. Boyfriend material. She brought out the best in him and gave him these two gorgeous babies laying in the next room. But they reached rock bottom. And if he doesn't do anything right now, it will be too late for the to fix this. Forever. _

„_This doesn't work for me anymore. You might be the love of my life. And I don't care if I can never let somebody in again or if I can't love again. You have that place in my heart. But all this does is destroying us." He says loud and clear, feeling like he is whispering but saying it distinctly enough for her to understand because he can't bear saying it twice. A few seconds pass and nothing happens. He is not even sure she heard it. _

_Suddenly, he notices how the bed linen is moving behind him and sees Donna storming out of the room, leaving him behind. „Donna? Where do you think you're going?" he asks, following her. They reached the hallway and she still didn't react. „Donna!" he screams and she comes to a halt. She turns around slowly, knowing it's her time to say something she can never take back again. Something that will change their lives forever. „If this doesn't work for you anymore then we have no other choice than to break up and separate the twins. _

„_What?" Harvey whispers, not sure if he heard her suggesting this correctly, because this would be insane. „You heard me." she says. „You can't separate twin sisters for all their life!" he shakes his head in disbelief after a few passing seconds. „You don't really give me another choice!" she screamed. „So you want us to choose a girl each?" he challenges her, wanting to see if she gives in. _

_She doesn't. He sees in her eyes that this is not about some joke anymore. She isn't defensive anymore. Donna is dead serious about this. And for just a minute, they were not fighting anymore. They just stood there motionlessly, knowing they just considered something fatal for their family. This is not about screaming anymore. This feels like their marriage just died and now you remain silent in respect to the loved one's you lost. Time stood still, they looked at each other wanting to reach out but they know that's not them anymore. All of this just ended. He sees the universe when she is the company. His world. All he ever worked for and believed in. She sees her sanctuary. Her missing piece. She now has the life she dreamed of living for so long. _

„_I might have been absent for most of the time but I could never choose between my daughters. We can always pick blindly or let them crawl to one of us-..." she starts, the tears streaming down her face now and her lip was trembling. Her suggestions sound desperate, because they were and she starts reaching out to Harvey, needing him to be her rock one last time because they are about to throw themselves down to different cliffs and it all becomes too much. But he backs away. „We will separate them by whose name they said first." he says. _

„_Which twin said momma first, Donna?" she asks, knowing she doesn't know it. This is not for making her feel worse or guilty. This is for him proving to himself that this is necessary. That they don't have another choice. „Isabella. She was 6 months and 3 days old." he responds his own question and makes his way through the nursery door. _

_They just made a decision. A life changing and forever lasting decision. He goes to Isabella's bed first on purpose, hearing Donna following him. He takes the sleeping baby out of the crib and presses her securely onto his chest, right above his heart for what feels like hours. He sheds a few tears before whispering „Daddy loves you more than anything. I really wish we wouldn't have to do this. You will always have a sister and a dad who loves you alright?" he tries to smile a little during his declaration to make it easier but nothing can glue the thousand pieces his heart just has broken in back together. _

_He puts her back into the crib and steps aside to take Caitlyn and her white stuff sheep out of the bassinet. He carries her securely in one arm while moving to the open space of the wardrobe to get a fluffy mini jacket and a small pair of leggings to put them on quickly. The babies slept through all of it and Donna watches him carry the dressed baby out of the nursery in the direction of the front door. Everything seems to be in slow motion but too fast at the same time. „I love you." she shouts and runs the few last steps to the door before he makes his way over the threshold. „Give Isabella a kiss from me. She can't sleep without the grey stuff elephant. She will probably wake up in two hours again, her milk is in the fridge. I trust you here, to take care of our daughter. Don't screw it up. You're an amazing mom, Donna. Please finally start believing that yourself. We will crash at Mike and Rachel's today, they have most of the babies' stuff anyway. I'll have someone pick up our stuff by tomorrow." is all he says, tears streaming down both their faces now. _

_7 years. They do this after 7 years, a marriage and two kids. They built an empire together and just like that everything turns to dust. Meeting each other in that bar will always be the best thing that ever happened to them. The other time will never be forgotten. Their first day at Pearson Hardman will always remain iconic. Their wedding will always be the happiest moment they shared and their daughters the proudest miracle they ever experienced. _

_7 years, but they wanted it to be a lifetime. _

„_I love you, Harvey. And I love Caitlyn so much." Donna whispers, stroking over the baby's head and kissing the tiny ribbon on her head. They look in each other's eyes one last time. Not long, but intense. All the words they can't say right now are reflected in them. It's far more than a kiss, it feels like they are on another mentality. _

„_I love you, always." and with Harvey's final declaration the door between them closes and with that, their lives and the sisters get separated forever. _


End file.
